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Local Pastor Admits To Being Qualified

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TWIN FALLS, ID—In a shocking statement Thursday, Pastor Timothy Peters, 54, admitted to being embarrassingly qualified for his office. The revelation occurred at Cornerstone Baptist Church during Peters’ quarterly accountability meeting with the church’s board of elders. “I’ve been serving this church for 21 years,” Peters explained to reporters afterward. “But it took this long for

 

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Poor pastor, what a sucker, being qualified. Look at Joel Osteen. No, Osteen didn't drop out of Seminary. He dropped out of college as a Communications major, and now he has America's largest church! The ticket is a non-denominational church that you can fill with bimbos-for-Christ who have no interest in a qualified preacher.

 

Other unqualified pastors score big in immorality: divorces, hookers, and (bonus points) homosexual hookers. That's the way to gold-plate your bathroom fixtures.

 

Even if you've made the mistake of graduating from a good Seminary and you're too lazy to visit the RentBoy website, you can at least teach that God wants Christians be healthy, wealthy, and raptured. Bad doctrine overcomes a multitude of qualifications.

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Poor pastor, what a sucker, being qualified. Look at Joel Osteen. No, Osteen didn't drop out of Seminary. He dropped out of college as a Communications major, and now he has America's largest church! The ticket is a non-denominational church that you can fill with bimbos-for-Christ who have no interest in a qualified preacher.

 

Other unqualified pastors score big in immorality: divorces, hookers, and (bonus points) homosexual hookers. That's the way to gold-plate your bathroom fixtures.

 

Even if you've made the mistake of graduating from a good Seminary and you're too lazy to visit the RentBoy website, you can at least teach that God wants Christians be healthy, wealthy, and raptured. Bad doctrine overcomes a multitude of qualifications.

 

This is a Masterpiece!!!

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This is a Masterpiece!!!
100%

 

 

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This was probably the weirdest article I've ever read. Why is he ashamed of being qualified to be a pastor? I'm so confused. Though I understand how people wouldn't have seen him because of his good behavior. People today seem to notice people who cause scandals and trouble. People who are quiet and well-mannered are ignored because they fall into the background. Cornelius's comment was spot on though about how the big churches have it backwards. I didn't even know that Joel Osteen was a Communications drop out.

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This was probably the weirdest article I've ever read. Why is he ashamed of being qualified to be a pastor? I'm so confused. Though I understand how people wouldn't have seen him because of his good behavior. People today seem to notice people who cause scandals and trouble. People who are quiet and well-mannered are ignored because they fall into the background. Cornelius's comment was spot on though about how the big churches have it backwards. I didn't even know that Joel Osteen was a Communications drop out.

 

The story was satire!

 

God bless,

William

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The story was satire!

 

God bless,

William

 

Oh, thanks. I've never been on the site before and totally spaced I was on the satire section of this forum. Thanks for telling me. It was well written, better than The Onion. Rereading it now, it makes more sense, props to writer.

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