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txmom2three

Was remarriage a mistake?

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I’ve been married to my 3rd husband for 6 years. I’m learning more and more about my personality and why I choose the men I choose and the dysfunction of my relationships. My current husband is better than the first. But I still feel I married him when I wasn’t emotionally healthy. But I am wondering if it’s biblical for me to remain married or not since it was a sin for me to get remarried in the first place?

 

 

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Hi txmom2three, first off, WELCOME TO CF :RpS_smile:

 

As far as your question goes, divorce and remarriage are most often sinful choices, but once you are remarried, being/remaining married isn't. However, if you get divorced again (for a reason that is not permissible according to the Bible), then you will sin again when you do so.

 

Yours and His,

David

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I always have had the view that people rush into relationships.. Mainly due to them having a feeling of having something missing, a void that they feel needs filling.. But it's not always healthy,

my mother is into her third marriage now, I can't answer you're question as I've not read the whole of the old testament yet, but I hold a view that you should only get married once in you're lifetime.. Even though I know that's not biblical, as if a partner dies you are allowed to re-marry but I personally hold a view that I wouldn't ever do that.. As a never married single male I can not predict my future, however I see a marriage vow as a life long pact to one partner.. I see it as if a partner dies and you re-marry you are sharing you're life with 2 people or more if you marry anymore times.. I personally believe you should have one soul mate, not multiple people even if it's biblical.. I do hold strong controversial beliefs though so it's probably not what you wanted to hear.

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Thanks for responding. I was reading your post about your mom. I’ve never cheated, but my first husband physically abused me and my kids and now is facing jail time for indecent behavior with our daughters. I’m having a lot of trust issues now towards any men, since these new allegations against my ex. I wish I could have stayed single and not remarried but I thought to myself would it be worse for my kids for me to be single than to have a step father? But yeah, I’m questioning my decision making. And now that my ex has been charged, my kids really only have me. I don’t feel that anyone else would truly look out for the best interest of them. But my husband does help out with things however he doesn’t make much money and can’t even support himself financially so I wonder if I’d just be better off on my own. I make enough to support my kids without child support. My husband also has some other irresponsibility behaviors and he seems to look out for his own best interest before that of me or my kids. But it’s sometimes scary to think that if I weren’t with him, I’d have no one. My mom is deceased and I’m practically caregiver for my dad because he’s mentally ill.

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I always have had the view that people rush into relationships.. Mainly due to them having a feeling of having something missing, a void that they feel needs filling.. But it's not always healthy,

my mother is into her third marriage now, I can't answer you're question as I've not read the whole of the old testament yet, but I hold a view that you should only get married once in you're lifetime.. Even though I know that's not biblical, as if a partner dies you are allowed to re-marry but I personally hold a view that I wouldn't ever do that.. As a never married single male I can not predict my future, however I see a marriage vow as a life long pact to one partner.. I see it as if a partner dies and you re-marry you are sharing you're life with 2 people or more if you marry anymore times.. I personally believe you should have one soul mate, not multiple people even if it's biblical.. I do hold strong controversial beliefs though so it's probably not what you wanted to hear.

Lots of people Do rush into marriage. God created us as sociable people -- He created everyone with a sex drive and restrictions on how/ when to use it. It is for within marriage between one man and one woman. And a lot of people have a lot of good 'chemistry' between them which draws them to want to spend the rest of their lives together. A person doesn't have to read the entire Old Testament for information about Christian marriage. We are bound to our marriage partner, not until death are they to part. God Does allow for divorce under certain circumstances. But it's always better to work through problems if that can be done. My Mother outlived both my father and then her second husband to cancer. She was with both men Until they Died. When I was growing up there was a woman missionary who had out-lived three husbands while on the mission field. Once a mate dies -- you're no longer sharing life with them. There are people who believe exactly as you do -- they had a soul-mate that after that there would be no more husband or wife for them. So -- you're saying that '"even if something Is Biblical, you don't especially feel inclined to follow that 'thing'. Well -- that is your personal decision. Everyone is entitled to their personal beliefs. Just don't be surprised when you get other's with differing comments.

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Thanks for responding. I was reading your post about your mom. I’ve never cheated, but my first husband physically abused me and my kids and now is facing jail time for indecent behavior with our daughters. I’m having a lot of trust issues now towards any men, since these new allegations against my ex. I wish I could have stayed single and not remarried but I thought to myself would it be worse for my kids for me to be single than to have a step father? But yeah, I’m questioning my decision making. And now that my ex has been charged, my kids really only have me. I don’t feel that anyone else would truly look out for the best interest of them. But my husband does help out with things however he doesn’t make much money and can’t even support himself financially so I wonder if I’d just be better off on my own. I make enough to support my kids without child support. My husband also has some other irresponsibility behaviors and he seems to look out for his own best interest before that of me or my kids. But it’s sometimes scary to think that if I weren’t with him, I’d have no one. My mom is deceased and I’m practically caregiver for my dad because he’s mentally ill.

Life happens and sometimes it isn't 'pretty'. Some people can be wonderful Until they make that commitment. Somehow that changes them. And, yes, you would have trust issues. Looking Back a person has 20/20 vision. All the what-if's. So -- you are where you are Now. We All have our short-coming. Your husband probably has some real assets -- look for Those Good parts of him. A question -- are you a believer? Then you have God to help you. Do you have a church pastor/ wife to go to for encouragement. If you Aren't a believer -- consider putting God into your life. Jesus Christ ,God's Son, died on the cross and rose again bodily -- taking our sins with Him. He'd like to be Your Savior. John 3:16 Life here on earth will not be perfect -- but with God's help and the encouragement of other believers --it Can be 'better'.

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Rushing into a remarriage might not have been the right decision, but everyone makes mistakes. It's important not to make another by rushing to undo it. Divorcing after six years is not a small step to take, and divorce itself is costly.

 

Rather than going straight for divorce, with all the upheaval that brings, could you and your current husband get into marriage counselling to try to save the marriage first? If he is being irresponsible, and not seeing himself as part of a family but acting as if he is his only concern, then that is a real issue. He might not be happy with the way things are either.

 

I’ve never cheated, but my first husband physically abused me and my kids and now is facing jail time for indecent behavior with our daughters.
If it helps, sexual immorality is one of the permitted grounds for divorce in the Bible, so divorcing him was Biblical. Biblically, once remarried, getting a divorce again on non-Biblical grounds is a new sin (you're breaking a new set of marital vows), but remaining remarried isn't.

 

And best wishes to you and your family, as dealing with what your first husband was accused of must be a huge strain at the moment.

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This may sound trite, but you have Jesus king of kings. Is your husband a believer?

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This may sound trite, but you have Jesus king of kings. Is your husband a believer?

 

He is actually a youth pastor, which makes things more difficult because I feel he is held to a higher standard.

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I always have had the view that people rush into relationships.. Mainly due to them having a feeling of having something missing, a void that they feel needs filling.. But it's not always healthy,

my mother is into her third marriage now, I can't answer you're question as I've not read the whole of the old testament yet, but I hold a view that you should only get married once in you're lifetime.. Even though I know that's not biblical, as if a partner dies you are allowed to re-marry but I personally hold a view that I wouldn't ever do that.. As a never married single male I can not predict my future, however I see a marriage vow as a life long pact to one partner.. I see it as if a partner dies and you re-marry you are sharing you're life with 2 people or more if you marry anymore times.. I personally believe you should have one soul mate, not multiple people even if it's biblical.. I do hold strong controversial beliefs though so it's probably not what you wanted to hear.

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1 Corinthians 7:10-11 "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."

 

The question I have is are you "born again"? Is you husband also "born again"? Perhaps you should read 1 Corinthian chapter 7 for yourself, as it gives you complete details on marriage and divorce. However Jesus give explicit warning about divorce in Matthew 5:32, 19:4-9 and in Mark 10:2-12.

 

Hardness of heart is always at the root of divorce. Many people divorce, and remarry someone much worse and regret the choices they made.

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This may sound trite, but you have Jesus king of kings. Is your husband a believer?

 

He is actually a youth pastor, which makes things more difficult because I feel he is held to a higher standard.

Seems like satan likes to attack people in religious positions the most. And, yes, pastors / youth pastors / teachers Are held to a higher standard. We Want, Expect our religious leaders to be super-humans. That somehow they don't have the same hormones like 'we' do. Pastor's and secretaries. // Youth directors and high school young ladies // Awana leaders and the Awana Commanders who are married. Back many decades ago I was an Awana leader while in college , the Commander was just out of college and his wife had a little baby. He started coming onto me and I turned around and told him No. We were by ourselves in the records room. After that he completely ignored me -- and we all went to the same smallish church. He'd been friendly and helpful since I'd started coming to the church. And in another situation a friend of our's Wife was feeling fairly 'low'. Her husband it turns out had Also been in Awana and had run off with the church secretary. Before knowing That -- I'd suggested that getting active in a church would probably help. After learning That -- I thought -- Oh, my goodness. So much for 'church' being the place for healing. A few bad apples Can had a Bad impact on the other apples. But -- we need to Pray for those people. And for Our attitudes.

 

But isn't a lot of the problem -- we put our eyes on the people and take them off of God. Jesus Christ is the real head of the church. Satan has been attacking God's systems since the beginning of time. Sometimes positions of power / influence can get to a person's head. Almost like they are Above the 'law'. And when They go down -- they take so many people with them. People become Very disallusioned about church / God / leaders.

 

I sound like I'm down on AWANA -- but - not at all. It's a Wonderful youth organization.

 

Sorry this has turned into such a Long comment.

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He is actually a youth pastor, which makes things more difficult because I feel he is held to a higher standard.

 

He is definitely held to a higher standard. How do you feel his relationship with Christ is though? Is he on fire, going through the motions?

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