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William

Should I Divorce My Spouse from an Unbiblical Remarriage?

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Tim H. from Gainesville, Florida, asks:

 

In the case of a person who does not have biblical grounds for divorce, and subsequently commits adultery by remarrying (Matthew 19:9), is that adultery a one-time act or a continual state of adultery as long as that second marriage continues?

 

I know that the proper course of action is not to divorce the second and remarry the first (Deuteronomy 24:4), but must repentance for a remarried person involve divorcing the second spouse? In other words, is it possible to truly repent while staying in the second marriage?

 

We asked for a response from Jeremy Pierre, assistant professor of biblical counseling at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and pastor of member care at Clifton Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky.


Your question is tough but quite relevant in a cultural context of so much divorce. In the church, we want to honor marriage as God has established it while helping people think through the actual situations they're in. So, though we insist that divorce is the result of sin's corruption as well as the particular sin of at least one person in the marriage, we nevertheless want to help people think through the “now what?“s of life.

 

How, then, do we honor the covenant of marriage in messy situations like the one you describe, in which the guilty party divorces the first spouse and marries another? Finding a biblical solution is not, in my opinion, a matter of discerning if adultery is a one-time act or a continual state as long as the marriage continues. The point of Matthew 19:9 and its parallels is simply that marriage to another woman constitutes adultery to the first wife with no such nuance offered (see Mark 10:11-2 and Luke 16:18).

 

As you point out, this adultery is not corrected by returning to the original wife, as Deuteronomy 24:1-4 indicates. Even considering the different epoch in which this passage was written, the principle is that returning to the original spouse only compounds the sin. Thus, your question, more specifically, boils down to: does repentance from adulterous remarriage mean this person should dissolve the second marriage and remain single the rest of his life?

 

I think Scripture leads us to answer no, with these guidelines:

 

First, the party should acknowledge that his remarriage was sin. He forsook his first spouse originally by either committing adultery or abandoning her, and he continued this sin by marrying someone else. He mocked the one-flesh union of his marriage as well as his participation as a member in Christ by joining himself sexually to another (1 Cor. 6:15-20). Yet, given that he cannot return to the first spouse, he also cannot dissolve the present union, since this would add an additional broken covenant.

 

Second, he should confess the sin of divorce and remarriage, asking forgiveness from God, from the original spouse, and from the children. He should ask forgiveness not only at the level of action in taking the divorce and marrying another, but also for a heart that hardened over time to make such actions occur. He forsook God's glorious design of marriage expounded in Ephesians 5:22-33 long before the divorce was finalized, and he should seek forgiveness.

 

I would even suggest, given the principle that sin needs to be confessed insofar as it is known by or affects others, that he confess his sin before extended family and before the church. This is a public sin, and it requires public repentance. Public acknowledgement is not necessarily standing up in front of everyone at a public gathering; rather, it means acknowledging openly and freely that what he did was sinful.

 

Third, having repented of the sin, the couple should acknowledge the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ in cleansing even sinful arrangements. The ideal would be that this sin never occurred—-this is God's moral will. But his sovereign will often involves our sin, even sin that has lasting consequences. When such sins occur, we trust in the finished work of our Advocate and seek to sin no more, instead, walking as he walked (1 John 2:1-6). So, practically, I think bringing this sin up again and again for the rest of their lives would put harmful pressure on the marriage as well as their sense of being forgiven of the sin of which they've repented. The focus should instead be on living righteously by the power of the gospel from here on out.

 

Let me give an important caveat: If someone at fault in a divorce is currently considering a marriage to someone other than his original spouse, then the biblical passages I've cited are clear: He must not do it. And if he does it knowingly, figuring that he can be forgiven later, he should take warning over the state of his soul. A person who willfully decides to enter a life trajectory the Bible calls sinful has no right to be confident that he is born of God (1 John 3:4-10). If you are reading this, and that is your current situation, then you must return to the spouse you left (1 Cor 7:10-11). It seems impossible with the mountain of pain and awkwardness that acts as border between you. But reconciliation is a core aspect of what the gospel does (2 Cor 5:11-21); if Christ can bring peace between a flawless God and perverted people, can he not also bring peace between hardened spouses? By faith, you can remove mountains. Repent of your sin and believe in the power of the gospel by returning to your spouse.

 

Returning to the present situation you asked about, I want to acknowledge the mystery of all this—-that one can live repentantly in an unbiblical second marriage. How can a covenant breaker enjoy the benefits of having broken his original covenant? It is the same stunning grace God grants to happy moms who have had to repent for past abortions. That God allows any sinner to enjoy the benefits of his grace should be a profound mystery to us. This simply magnifies God's grace as grace—-completely undeserved favor.

 

Source: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/you-asked-should-i-divorce-my-spouse-from-an-unbiblical-remarriage

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  • Deuteronomy 21:15-17 15 “If a man has two wives, the one loved and the other unloved, and both the loved and the unloved have borne him children, and if the firstborn son belongs to the unloved,[a]16 then on the day when he assigns his possessions as an inheritance to his sons, he may not treat the son of the loved as the firstborn in preference to the son of the unloved, who is the firstborn, 17 but he shall acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the unloved, by giving him a double portion of all that he has, for he is the firstfruits of his strength. The right of the firstborn is his.

Is it not odd that Moses did not write "if a man has two wives, he must divorce his second wife and return to his first wife"? Instead, Moses simply indicates that the man actually has two living wives. Though the second marriage was begun with a sinful marriage covenant, it is still a "real" marriage, and the wife is a "real" wife.

  • Deuteronomy 24:1-4 24 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.

Once the adultery of remarriage had occurred, at that very moment, the original marriage contract between the first husband and wife was forever cancelled and permanently voided, never to be renewed. God forbade the original divorced couple from ever reconciling and remarrying, even if the third spouse died (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Jeremiah 3:1 reemphasizes this principle of "irreconcilability following divorce and remarriage" by calling such a reconciliation "pollution to the land".God says, "If a husband divorces his wife And she goes from him And belongs to another man, Will he still return to her? Will not that land be completely polluted?" (Jeremiah 3:1a)

 

Worse, if a couple did divorce, remarry other "new" spouses, and then decided to reconcile back as original spouses, they would be forced to legally divorce their "new" spouses. Jesus said that this too causes the divorce of the second spouses to become yet another set of adulteries (Matthew 5:32). So instead of correcting one adultery, it merely creates an entirely new set of adulteries while at the same time violating God’s written laws against this form of reconciliation.

 

Every marriage is a true marriage. Even the marriage between an unsaved person and a believer is a true marriage in spite of the fact that we are told in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that Christians must not become bound (married) to unbelievers. Paul says, when you find yourself in the situation where you are saved and are married to an unsaved spouse you are obligated to remain married, or, if the unbeliever chooses to leave you, you must remain single in hopes they will return and be won to the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:11-16). All marriages are true marriages, even if that marriage was improperly initiated, sinfully originated, or ill advised at the start.

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When people enter a covenant God requires that they honor the covenant even itfmaking it involved committing a sin. This is shown in the covenant between Israel and the Gibeonites in Joshua 9. Israel had been commanded by God not to make any covenant with the people of the land, yet when they disobeyed and made a covenant with Gibeon God expected them to honor the agreement. This principle applies when a divorced person remarries contrary to God's commands.

Edited by theophilus
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This situation may well be more common than you think. No where do you find that a broken marriage can not be healed. No marriage is exempt from Satan's attacks. "Marriage is delicate, handle it with prayer" That's my advice.

 

 

justme.

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though much of what the scriptures have to say about the subject, except for Paul's writings to the gentiles, its usually directed to the Israelite who is in a agreement or covenant with the Lord God, therefore that covenant takes precedence for the Israelite. a marriage is an agreement, a contract and the offender of that contract, has no recourse and its on the offended what to do. though US society has perverted and corrupted that simple justice, that is the way it should be. the offended has the right by contract to nullify the contract, or forgive the offence by renegotiating the contract, or resuming the contract as if there was no offence.

 

 

but in the case of the Lord God, Israel is to treat theirs as God treats them, because they are His. in the case of their offences even in the agreement there is plenty of accommodation for repentance and forgiveness with acceptable offerings from the offender. also when it was so bad that the Lord cast them out of the land He never left them without His association to Him and with Him. hence they were still His People despite their disobediences and disregard for Him. hence divorced, or put away, or what ever the law called for or allowed, but the harlot was still His even though their may have not been a mutual relationship.

 

 

the Israelites where chosen and agreed to that in the desert. therefore their lives are in service to Him, whether they like it or not. so is the serve to the Kingdom of God. turning the other cheek isn't some righteous act like many would portray. its an act for the service of the Kingdom of God. the Christian "religion" dominated the western culture for how long, and didn't do it by force. the Jews were hostile and then the romans were hostile until the emperor himself became vicar of the catholic church. and not one documented circumstance where a Christian in the name of Christ raised a finger to overcome the empire or Jerusalem. hence the result of those who followed Christ's instructions.

 

the instructions are to fulfill the purpose set forth by the Lord God, simple as that. if you agree to do so, then the Lord can hold you to it.

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No adultery is not a single act that you do one time and then it's all good after that.

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In the name of LORD JESUS CHRIST, peace be with you all.

 

For starters, i do not understand the question...

 

But on second thoughts according to the spirit, there is Scripture coming to mind that may be related, to answer the question i believe..

 

For example, according to Apostle Paul's account, that Apostle Peter and James the half brother of JESUS, took for themselves wives from the believers of the same faith. But on the earlier account in the Gospel when Peter was JESUS' disciple, he was already married then, because at that time, JESUS heals his mother-in-law who was sick.

 

So he left his wife and took another among believers of the same faith, and no divorce is spoken of. But rather he moved on leaving her behind, who is not of the same believe and faith like he is, and have not followed him likewise with CHRIST.

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So he left his wife and took another among believers of the same faith, and no divorce is spoken of.

Where did you get this idea? There is nothing in the Bible to support it.

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In the name of LORD JESUS CHRIST, peace be with you all.

 

For starters, i do not understand the question...

 

 

So he left his wife and took another among believers of the same faith, and no divorce is spoken of. But rather he moved on leaving her behind, who is not of the same believe and faith like he is, and have not followed him likewise with CHRIST.

 

Who is "HE" in He left his wife, and please give me the scripture for that. I am not familiar with it. Secondly What don't you understand about the question? I thought it was pretty strait forward. If you divorce your spouse for any cause except for adultery and you remarry another then you are committing adultery. Now the gentleman has come to repentance because the goodness of God draws us to that and he is being convicted of living in adultery with another woman. I'm not sure why he's asking the question on here, if he's being convicted and wants to repent. I think we all know that repentance isn't just saying "I'm sorry" and continuing to live in Sin. Repentance means to turn away from your sin and not do it anymore. I caution everyone who wants to give unbiblical advise from the "Wisdom of Man" to reread Revelation 22:18-19. Then read Luke 14:26-33. Jesus does not sugar coat it. He isn't out giving a feel good message so he can get more attendance at his weekly gatherings. Some of the words are hard to hear and hard to live by. Should that mean that we don't keep trying. Should we just give up and say it's too hard to believe the bible is truth so we are going to change the message and make it more palatable and easier to follow.

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Jesus said in Matthew 5:32 that unless a man divorces his wife for unchasitiy. In Matthew 19: 9 there Jesus said that except for immorality he commits adultery. If anyone divorces his wife or she divorces her husband except for immorality they have entered into a adultery marriage. Until that couple confesses their sin and seeks forgiveness they live in adultery.

 

 

these are difficult words but Jesus has said how God sees divorce.

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Where did you get this idea? There is nothing in the Bible to support it.

 

Sorry for the late respond, for i was held back going through tribulation, as CHRIST promised His believers they would, in the New Testament Scriptural knowledge from above..

 

And to begin with, they are not my ideas, but you have gone ahead of them written in the Scripture itself intact, and blindly claim they are non-Scriptural...

 

Okay, once again to verify, i have these questions for you alone, and not others, to even respond on your behalf. For they will have to learn this simple spiritual lesson from above through you, who have responded so, in general due to all of one faith..

 

1, Didn't in the Gospel accounts, when Peter became the third disciple of JESUS, JESUS healed his mother-in-law who was sick, in the beginning of His ministry with them, meaning Peter is already a married man then....?

 

2. Didn't after JESUS' death and resurrection, where the church underwent persecution, and Saul of Tarsus' conversation, and therefore after many years of his service for the LORD and church, and in one of his epistles to the churches, he did mention James the half brother of JESUS and Peter took for themselves wives from those within the faith, while he decide to remain single fro the LORD alone....?

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Who is "HE" in He left his wife, and please give me the scripture for that. I am not familiar with it. Secondly What don't you understand about the question? I thought it was pretty strait forward. If you divorce your spouse for any cause except for adultery and you remarry another then you are committing adultery. Now the gentleman has come to repentance because the goodness of God draws us to that and he is being convicted of living in adultery with another woman. I'm not sure why he's asking the question on here, if he's being convicted and wants to repent. I think we all know that repentance isn't just saying "I'm sorry" and continuing to live in Sin. Repentance means to turn away from your sin and not do it anymore. I caution everyone who wants to give unbiblical advise from the "Wisdom of Man" to reread Revelation 22:18-19. Then read Luke 14:26-33. Jesus does not sugar coat it. He isn't out giving a feel good message so he can get more attendance at his weekly gatherings. Some of the words are hard to hear and hard to live by. Should that mean that we don't keep trying. Should we just give up and say it's too hard to believe the bible is truth so we are going to change the message and make it more palatable and easier to follow.

 

Thank you, and you may learn from what has been posted to dear 'theophilus', before prior to all the vain rant uncalled for...

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Jesus said in Matthew 5:32 that unless a man divorces his wife for unchasitiy. In Matthew 19: 9 there Jesus said that except for immorality he commits adultery. If anyone divorces his wife or she divorces her husband except for immorality they have entered into a adultery marriage. Until that couple confesses their sin and seeks forgiveness they live in adultery.

 

 

these are difficult words but Jesus has said how God sees divorce.

 

Scripturally, JESUS only taught the man as heads about divorce, and to be conducted in an appropriate judgment manner as heads among His people and while He is away. As heads, to be just and fair to their spouses or one's spouse, as heads of the churches and head of the family in decision. And there are no women mentioned in equal authority to take similar action against her husband or believer husband. And also through Apostle Paul and Peter in their epistles to the churches, the believer wife must remained married, faithful, loving and pray, likewise to even their unbeliever husbands in humble and humility, and too in good Christian conduct unconditionally. Therefore, may one day win him over by love in faith. And nevertheless, if the husband decide that he wants a divorce anyway, she is suppose to give it to him.

 

And the Scripture also verifies, that a divorced woman, believer or not, by her believer husband or she decide to divorce him on her own for example, as your self account put it into prospective. And if she decide to remarry again, she commits adultery, and the next man who marry her commit likewise. And JESUS did not read the same judgement on believer husbands to be included.. Because the woman, believer or not, who is divorced by her believer husband only on the grounds of 'natural sexual immorality' or even 'spiritual sexual immorality', of sleeping with a another man or other spiritual elemental gods of this world and in dogma faith, or divorces him on her own, is dead in sin. For the believer man becomes a widower, and is able to remarry again to a believer woman.... But then again, JESUS also request the believer husband if he is able to forgive and bear her and her sinful actions and not divorce her, and remain faithful in marriage, may do so. i believe it is a super plus points for the husband who do so in love and faithfulness.

 

And on the other hand, in regards to a believer wife and her loving efforts for him, and where the unbeliever husband decide to divorce her, and after that she remarry a believer husband, and not unbeliever anymore, does not commit adultery and the believer man who marry her likewise do not.... This is because spiritually, the unbeliever husband who divorced her is already dead in sin, while she lives on as a young widow among natural widows, and is able to remarry again. As for old widows, they are not to remarry, but bring up her kids or grand kids to the way of the LORD, and daughters and grand daughters as wise homemakers...

 

i speak in general according to the wisdom given me from above, from the contextual teaching of the New Covenant of our LORD JESUS CHRIST... And those who are spiritually taught the same in sound doctrine are able to engage in oneness, and help others who are not to understand. For i don't work alone and alone gifted, and i have done my part, and for others to pick up from there for the LORD, therefore all lambs and sheep be built up in one sound doctrine faith...

 

Therefore verify truthfully and not bluntly according to the modern age Christianity in equality where mutually men and women are heads of the family and church already in 'joint custody' for the kingdom satan in these last days, where the devil has become the god of it's watered down dogma, in deceit and has devour the blind leading the blind, and soon they are going to fall into the ditch. Where no longer man is in charge and in control of GOD's Word and church no more, but 'lawlessness' men and women in equality alike....

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fredjames. I am having difficulty understanding what you are really saying, This is probably my problem, not yours. Could you condense it down a little for me? I am not sure what you are saying about divorce, Did you agree with what I said? Perhaps you did not agree with what I said. Could you please help me here?

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fredjames. I am having difficulty understanding what you are really saying, This is probably my problem, not yours. Could you condense it down a little for me? I am not sure what you are saying about divorce, Did you agree with what I said? Perhaps you did not agree with what I said. Could you please help me here?

 

Okay, first of all thank you for your humble respond...

 

And second, lets us start from the first paragraph of my given post, and do you have questions about them..?

 

Better if you 're-quote' and ask from them....

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Okay, first of all thank you for your humble respond...

 

And second, lets us start from the first paragraph of my given post, and do you have questions about them..?

 

Better if you 're-quote' and ask from them....

 

Her is one phrase I can't follow. "the man as heads about divorce." Her is where I am not sure what you are saying. Maybe if you condensed what you are saying to a few basic statements, that would helpme. I am sorry I don't quite understand. Again please understand the problem lies with me not you.

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1, Didn't in the Gospel accounts, when Peter became the third disciple of JESUS, JESUS healed his mother-in-law who was sick, in the beginning of His ministry with them, meaning Peter is already a married man then....?

 

2. Didn't after JESUS' death and resurrection, where the church underwent persecution, and Saul of Tarsus' conversation, and therefore after many years of his service for the LORD and church, and in one of his epistles to the churches, he did mention James the half brother of JESUS and Peter took for themselves wives from those within the faith, while he decide to remain single fro the LORD alone....?

Yes, the Bible does say that Peter was married, but where does it say anything about him taking another wife?

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Yes, the Bible does say that Peter was married, but where does it say anything about him taking another wife?

 

How about Apostle Paul's account in his epistle from the same New Covenant, where James and Peter who took for themselves wives among believers?

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Her is one phrase I can't follow. "the man as heads about divorce." Her is where I am not sure what you are saying. Maybe if you condensed what you are saying to a few basic statements, that would helpme. I am sorry I don't quite understand. Again please understand the problem lies with me not you.

 

Did in the Gospel, JESUS taught men and women, or only to man disciples He chose Himself, to take lead His word of the New Covenant, and is given to us in Scriptures, as the churches to come through them, as to initially He have taught them, and commissioned them to make disciple of all nation, kindred and tongue, including us Gentiles, even today, meaning non-Jews...?

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Did in the Gospel, JESUS taught men and women, or only to man disciples He chose Himself, to take lead His word of the New Covenant, and is given to us in Scriptures, as the churches to come through them, as to initially He have taught them, and commissioned them to make disciple of all nation, kindred and tongue, including us Gentiles, even today, meaning non-Jews...?

 

Dear Friend. I appreciate your understanding of my problems in not comprehending your post's. I can tell you have a sincere desire and love for Scripture. I encourage you to keep up studding the WORD.

 

I do have a question that might explain my difficulty in reading your post's. Is English your second language? I fully respect you desire to communicate and basically, I can't tell where one sentence starts or ends. I am not sure exactly what your point's are. Now I am not putting you down, its my inability to decipher what you are saying.. God bless..

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Dear Friend. I appreciate your understanding of my problems in not comprehending your post's. I can tell you have a sincere desire and love for Scripture. I encourage you to keep up studding the WORD.

 

I do have a question that might explain my difficulty in reading your post's. Is English your second language? I fully respect you desire to communicate and basically, I can't tell where one sentence starts or ends. I am not sure exactly what your point's are. Now I am not putting you down, its my inability to decipher what you are saying.. God bless..

 

You have not stick to Scripture, you have already learn and continuing in discussion, rather than you own opinion and standards, how the Scripture will favor you...

 

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You have not stick to Scripture, you have already learn and continuing in discussion, rather than you own opinion and standards, how the Scripture will favor you...

 

ferdjames, we have a failure to communicate. I can't comprehend what you are saying. You can ask anyone who knows me on this forum I love the Scripture, I have dedicated much of my life to studding the Scriptures. I would very much like to dialogue with you, however your broken English and run on sentences with no periods, make understanding you nearly impossible. I am sorry, as this has to be frustrating for you, as it is me. I think for now lets just for now end this thread, and I wish you the Peace only Jesus can give.

 

 

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ferdjames, we have a failure to communicate. I can't comprehend what you are saying. You can ask anyone who knows me on this forum I love the Scripture, I have dedicated much of my life to studding the Scriptures. I would very much like to dialogue with you, however your broken English and run on sentences with no periods, make understanding you nearly impossible. I am sorry, as this has to be frustrating for you, as it is me. I think for now lets just for now end this thread, and I wish you the Peace only Jesus can give.

 

 

Fair enough, and let me leave you with this, that there is no justification in the New Testament teaching of CHRIST, that a woman is allowed to divorce her husband..

 

And you just made one up by testifying to us in your previous post, that a woman likewise the man, can divorce her husband.

 

And how a better English that can be coming from you and expect...?

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Jesus said in Matthew 5:32 that unless a man divorces his wife for unchasitiy. In Matthew 19: 9 there Jesus said that except for immorality he commits adultery. If anyone divorces his wife or she divorces her husband except for immorality they have entered into a adultery marriage. Until that couple confesses their sin and seeks forgiveness they live in adultery.

 

 

these are difficult words but Jesus has said how God sees divorce.

 

Do you remember this dear 'justme' ?

 

LORD JESUS CHRIST in His teaching according to the New Covenant never gave women authority to divorce their husbands, even on the grounds of 'sexual immorality'.

 

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How about Apostle Paul's account in his epistle from the same New Covenant, where James and Peter who took for themselves wives among believers?

 

Could you please quote this account? You make claims that the Bible says something and you don't show any evidence to back up your claims.

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