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Teenager anxiety?

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  • Teenager anxiety?

    Hello,

    We have a 15 year old daughter raised in evangelical faith. I know she is struggling with hormonal changes and thoughts she considers impure. She is concerned with falling out of God's grace because of it. This leads to marked anxiety that is becoming very obvious and I want to intervene before it goes too far. She is very intelligent and tries to find answers in the Bible herself but sometimes finds verses that cause more anxiety. I would like to see which approach may work best, especially if somebody is familiar with situation or can direct me to appropriate resourse. We tried to talk to her about normal growth and development, with partial effect. We put her in a christian high school which is real life turns more interfaith and does not shelter her from exposure to boys and ''impure'' conversations. Here are some thoughts I have so far:

    Show the Bible verses about overcoming fear and anxiety. Show the Bible verses about salvation, where one can conclude that once she is saved she is always saved, which is my belief. May not address her internal conflict.

    Ask pastor if he knows a counsellor experienced with this but she may be more comfortable with online/phone christian counsellor which would be anonymous.

    Homeschooling is now an option we strongly consider even though we would like her to go to a top college later on.

    Btw, she listens to Adventures in Odyssey daily, does it carry a message that can feed into her anxieties?

    Thanks!
    Last edited by Chesser; 11-02-2016, 06:22 PM.

  • #2
    Hello Chesser,

    Welcome to Christforums! If you don't mind me asking, are you denominational?

    I raised one daughter and can relate. This year my daughter graduates from Pacific Lutheran University with a Nursing degree. I recommend reassuring your daughter that this is not because of a lack of faith. Too many times people say unbiblical things like you need more faith, you need to believe more, you need to pray more, but really, if we have faith as small a mustard seed in the OBJECT of our faith Jesus Christ we can rest assured. More More More equates to a work-righeousness, our salvation is not me me me centered. The object of our faith is Christ, the sacrifice of the Father and Son is greater than all our sins. We can rest, find assurance, and be at peace knowing this. Philippians 4:6: "Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God." Often when we give thanks we redirect our thoughts to what God has given us instead of being anxious about other things. Prayer works.

    And like you I believe one cannot lose salvation, because if we could we would. John 6:39 says "And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day." You may want to do a search here or visit Calvinism -Christforums and read through some of the doctrine on the topic of Perseverance of the Saints. Much to support the doctrine is John 6:44 which says, "No one can come to me lest the Father draws them, then I will raise them up on the last day."

    Also, I was surprised, and this may be a surprise to you, but birth control pills can tame outraging hormones. My daughter had much of the same problems as you stated, but with acne etc, and the birth control that was recommended by the doctor helped with this. You may want to talk to a Dr. on the subject.

    Lastly, I think speaking to your local Pastor and possibly to a Christian counselor is a wise decision. And here's some more information between some mainstream doctrines which support eternal security. If you search deeper on these doctrines you'll find more information:

    by Matt Slick

    The three different terms (eternal security, once saved always saved, and perseverance of the saints) are often used interchangeably. However, there are subtle differences between them even though they basically mean the same thing--that a person cannot lose his salvation. Critics of eternal security in Christ often assert various challenges to the position, including misrepresentations and incomplete representation of the position. Nevertheless, though I cannot find any "official" definition for each of the three terms, by looking through theological dictionaries, various websites, writings, etc., I've come up with the following information.
    • Eternal Security is the teaching that all who are Christians and are truly regenerated are eternally secure in their salvation and will never fall away because their salvation is dependent on Christ's faithfulness and work. It was Jesus who completely redeemed them of all their sins and their actions, and goodness does not maintain their salvation. It is God who secures the believer. But, this does not mean those thus saved will not fall into sin. Instead, though they may backslide, they will never fully turn from God and fall out of the state of his grace. Furthermore, it means God will work in the conviction and discipline of the believer who backslides.
    • Perseverance of the Saints is often equated with eternal security. It means that once a person is truly born again, God will work through the person so that the person will persevere throughout his life and not lose his salvation. It emphasizes God's work and ability to perfect the Christian (Philippians 1:6) and that Christians are sealed permanently with Him (Ephesians 1:13-14).
    • Once Saved Always Saved is the position that no matter what a person does he will remain saved. He is always saved once he is saved. This position also includes the reality of regeneration since anyone who is truly saved is also truly regenerated. Regeneration produces in the person a desire to serve God and avoid sin (Romans 7:18-25). However, like eternal security, those who adhere to once saved always saved acknowledge that Christians can backslide.

    Term Synopsis License to Sin?
    Eternal Security Salvation is dependent on Christ's faithfulness--not man's. No
    Perseverance of the Saints God will cause the Christian to persevere to the end. No
    Once Saved Always Saved No matter what, a person stays saved. No


    Since all of the terms listed above teach that we cannot lose our salvation, I will refer to all of them under the single phrase of "eternal security."

    Critics of eternal security often cite various verses in an attempt to show that a Christian can lose his salvation. The logic is that a Christian can turn his back on God and stop believing, or do enough bad things to disqualify him from being saved. Furthermore, these same critics often state that if a person believes he cannot lose his salvation, then it is a license to sin. This is not the position of those who hold to eternal security. We are regenerated; and because of regeneration from God, we war against our sin (Romans 7:18-25). We do not consider it a license to sin. Furthermore, anyone who claims to be a Christian and purposely uses God's grace in order to sin is demonstrating that he is not regenerate because he is acting in a manner that contradicts regeneration (1 John 2:4).
    God bless,
    William
    Comment>

    • #3
      Originally posted by William View Post

      If you don't mind me asking, are you denominational?
      Thanks, William! I feel more at home at a Baptist church and we went to Baptist church until the last work related move. Now (over 2 years) we are going to nondenominational christian church. I probably made a mistake by calling my daughter's school nondenominational as opposed to christian. It's formally christian but I wanted to call it more interfaith in real life, sorry, English is not my first language.
      Last edited by Chesser; 11-02-2016, 06:23 PM.
      Comment>

      • #4
        In the past, marriage came at a younger age. This fact made it easier for young people to be stronger in a religious way. Nowadays, on the other hand, marriage is often postponed until someone's late twenties, and one person in my family didn't get married until he was in his forties. Does anyone think that marriage at younger age is a bad thing, a thing which people are not prepared for, or a good thing?
        Comment>

        • #5
          Originally posted by Chesser View Post
          Hello,

          We have a 15 year old daughter raised in evangelical faith. I know she is struggling with hormonal changes and thoughts she considers impure. She is concerned with falling out of God's grace because of it. This leads to marked anxiety that is becoming very obvious and I want to intervene before it goes too far. She is very intelligent and tries to find answers in the Bible herself but sometimes finds verses that cause more anxiety. I would like to see which approach may work best, especially if somebody is familiar with situation or can direct me to appropriate resourse. We tried to talk to her about normal growth and development, with partial effect. We put her in a christian high school which is real life turns more interfaith and does not shelter her from exposure to boys and ''impure'' conversations. Here are some thoughts I have so far:

          Show the Bible verses about overcoming fear and anxiety. Show the Bible verses about salvation, where one can conclude that once she is saved she is always saved, which is my belief. May not address her internal conflict.

          Ask pastor if he knows a counsellor experienced with this but she may be more comfortable with online/phone christian counsellor which would be anonymous.

          Homeschooling is now an option we strongly consider even though we would like her to go to a top college later on.

          Btw, she listens to Adventures in Odyssey daily, does it carry a message that can feed into her anxieties?

          Thanks!
          You might ask her by what good works was she saved?
          Then if works did not save her - then she isn't lost by them either.
          The key is to be in Christ - which is reflected in a person's desire.
          I would say to be concerned is a blessing.
          Apathy is dangerous.
          Comment>

          • #6
            I am not a parent yet, therefore, I don't have any experience related to raisin teenagers. However, I have been through teenage period and I can understand the frustrations related to this age. Teens are the people who are neither child, nor adults. They cannot mix with children and they also cannot mix with the adults. During teen age, boys and girls are already developing their personality,therefore, want to be treated as a grown up.
            Comment>

            • #7
              I think the teenager phase is an awkward time for everyone. Like Dominique said, it's that stage suspended halfway between child and adult and wanting to be treated like a grown-up and developing their more-or-less permanent lifelong personalities.

              I would try to reassure her that crazy hormones and even thoughts she might consider impure are normal at her age, and God is understanding. It's a natural and inevitable stage of development she's going through, and it will pass in due time.
              Comment>

              • #8
                Today's teenagers are very different from teenagers decades ago.

                I believe they need to be better oriented so they aren't diverted from the path of good.

                It's not an easy thing to do because there are many issues to be considered, but I believe that by maintaining faith and always talking to God, everything will be solved in the best way possible.

                God bless you, folks.
                Comment>

                • #9
                  I know it is late, but the only thing I can add is to check whether she is coming under peer presssure at school. Teenagers at that age get exposed to a lot of influences, not least from others in their age group who aren;t as religious and want to experiment. It might not even be the boys. If girls her age are mocking her for not dating then that could equally well make her anxious and as teenager herself she may not have the confidence to brush it off. Bullying like that can be insidious and cause a lot of anxiety.
                  Comment>
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