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Proposing to my Chinese girlfriend

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    Proposing to my Chinese girlfriend

    Proposing to my Chinese girlfriend


    I need help! I want to propose to my Chinese girlfriend and her family is quite strict. I learned that there’s a certain tradition when it comes to marriage in Chinese culture… I’m quite overwhelmed but I really want everything to go smoothly.


    I met Chen through A Foreign Affair’s singles tour in Shenzhen, China. We’ve been in a long distance relationship for a year, of course it involved a ton of visits. She visited me and met my parents. I’m glad everyone in my family likes her. When I met her parents it was really awkward. Because her parents can’t really speak English, I like to believe they like me even a little at least.


    I’ve been talking with my friends about proposing and one said there’s a certain way in China. I got curious and started searching. There were things like dowries, which got me bewildered. I know that my girlfriend’s parents are to an extent, strict… but I don’t know if they are still traditional or still follows such practice.


    If I asked Chen that would destroy the idea of a surprise proposal… but is it better if I just propose to her and then ask her how I should ask her parents for her hand in marriage? I honestly don’t know what’s the right route to go for. I need some good advice!

    #2
    Long distance relationships can be romantic -- we're also talking about two different cultures. Your bio info says you're Catholic -- what are her religious beliefs? Are you sure you're both thinking about marriage?

    Since you've just found out about cultural things such as dowries -- what Other things do you really need to be familiar with Before hand. Culturally you're possibly doing things a bit backwards -- you get to know the family / parents and ask them First for their daughter's hand in marriage and Then you ask their daughter.

    Sometimes a surprise proposal could prove to be more of a 'surprise' than anticipated. Especially if you've possibly over-estimated your girlfriends interest in marriage.

    My concern would be -- a year long relationship when you're in the same place would be fairly okay -- you're seeing each other , hopefully, in situations where you can observe their personality around other people. There's a lot to consider in a relationship where marriage is being considered.

    I'm in my late 60's -- you're still fairly young. Probably lots of years ahead of you. Is she the same age? If you both were fairly older -- it might be different.

    How long have you actually lived in the same culture with each other? What are your goals in life, etc, etc.

    Make it a point to live in the same culture together for some time before actually getting married. Not living together -- but having jobs and housing in the same area -- establishing mutual friendships. Involved in a church together.
    Comment>

      #3
      I would ask your girlfriend first. She will still be surprised and can advise appropriately.

      Alternative: Does your girl friend has a close friend (sister, brother) who can keep a secret? Ask them what to do.
      Comment>

        #4
        I don't think you said, are you and her both Christians? That's whats most important. Do you pray together?
        Comment>

          #5
          I am teaching in China right now.

          Do her parents think that if you get married to her daughter that she will leave the country?
          Form my time here I know that this can be a thing that could concern them.
          Comment>
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