Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Men who won't marry

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Men who won't marry

    My friend has been dating her boyfriend for three years and she's been leaving hints that she wants to get married. She doesn't want a big wedding but she wants a ring, she's even offered to run to Las Vegas and skip the reception to save on money. He says he loves he but he's told her point blank that he's not looking to get married yet. I wouldn't mind this if he had a good reason like saving up for a ring, a wedding, or completing college first. But he's comfortably working his way up the office ladder. Instead of marriage, he's offering to let her move in with him to save rent and jokes around about wanting kids with her. She's hesitating about moving in because she doesn't want him to think that it's enough. She's also afraid that she'll end up as his baby mama instead of the mother of his children. She's not the first of my friends who's had to deal with a boyfriend that won't completely commit, they will do everything but get married. I don't know what to really say. What I want to say is that if he doesn't want to put a ring on it, he shouldn't joke around about making babies and that she should dump him. But it's been three years, and some men take forever to actually get married. My dad dated my stepmom for ten years before he married her. So there is just something with this generation of men who don't want to marry. Any guys out there could give me some real advice on the situations? I'm looking at this situation from a female perspective because it's happening to my girlfriends but maybe it's unfair to expect marriage so soon? I just don't know anymore, all the guys I've dated just want to play.and have no attention getting serious.

  • #16
    I'm in relationship with my hubby and we're living together for 5 years now and I know that he wants to marry me, it's just that he's saving for more to give me the best wedding (as he always tells me) and I do understand that. However, your situation is different because the guy seems to not have any plans of getting married which is actually tough for a woman who wants to settle down and start her own family. Well my advice is don't push him just yet with the idea of marriage, because there are some men who still takes time to think about settling down for I don't know reasons.

    Furthermore, it still depends on the person though on how they feel towards each other. Some people are okay with this casual relationship. What's important is both parties are happy.

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by Jasmin Cottontail View Post
      I'm in relationship with my hubby and we're living together for 5 years now and I know that he wants to marry me, it's just that he's saving for more to give me the best wedding (as he always tells me) and I do understand that.
      I'm confused by this. You call him "hubby" but you aren't married. Were you married in the church but didn't do the civil part of the union?

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by Nahum View Post

        I'm confused by this. You call him "hubby" but you aren't married. Were you married in the church but didn't do the civil part of the union?
        I just want to call him my hubby as a part of my endearment to him. Well, we've been living together for 5 years now and I can totally say we're happy. He treats me as his wife and I treat him as my husband even if we're not yet married. I guess there's nothing wrong with calling him that even if were not yet married

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by Jasmin Cottontail View Post
          I guess there's nothing wrong with calling him that even if were not yet married.
          There is definitely something wrong with living together if you aren't married.
          Clyde Herrin's Blog

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by theophilus View Post
            There is definitely something wrong with living together if you aren't married.
            And I'd say that she is actually putting herself at great risk. Jasmin, think about your emotional attachment to this man without his assurance of a real covenant commitment. If you are a Christian, I think you should seriously consider making it known that you "need" to be married. Stop living with the man in sin, repent of your sins and marry or end the relationship. Seems like you're hanging on to the hopes of being married, but you're denying a five year pattern of behavior, the man hasn't married you. It doesn't take much money to be married, we can't always have what we want (a big wedding). You can always be married and later have a big ceremonial wedding too. My suggestion is to do what is right by the Lord. The Lord has our best interest in heart, and has made clear from Scripture what is right and not right in His marriage design.

            God bless,
            William

            Comment


            • #21
              Originally posted by Jasmin Cottontail View Post

              I just want to call him my hubby as a part of my endearment to him. Well, we've been living together for 5 years now and I can totally say we're happy. He treats me as his wife and I treat him as my husband even if we're not yet married. I guess there's nothing wrong with calling him that even if were not yet married
              I see. I suspected that was the case, but I didn't want to say anything should my understanding have been wrong. However, this arrangement is totally unbiblical and has the potential to do one or both of you serious harm.

              Originally posted by theophilus View Post
              There is definitely something wrong with living together if you aren't married.
              Originally posted by William View Post
              And I'd say that she is actually putting herself at great risk. Jasmin, think about your emotional attachment to this man without his assurance of a real covenant commitment. If you are a Christian, I think you should seriously consider making it known that you "need" to be married. Stop living with the man in sin, repent of your sins and marry or end the relationship. Seems like you're hanging on to the hopes of being married, but you're denying a five year pattern of behavior, the man hasn't married you. It doesn't take much money to be married, we can't always have what we want (a big wedding). You can always be married and later have a big ceremonial wedding too. My suggestion is to do what is right by the Lord. The Lord has our best interest in heart, and has made clear from Scripture what is right and not right in His marriage design.

              God bless,
              William

              ^ This! If you are Christian, this is not a situation you want to be in. And no one needs a "big wedding". My wife and I had a very simple, very plain ceremony with our family and church. I cherish said in my heart to this day.

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by Working Buck
                God judges people and therefore we do not have the right to tell others if what they do is wrong.
                If we see someone doing what is wrong we have an obligation to warn them so they can escape being judged by God. By the way, what right to you have to tell us that we are doing something wrong? When you criticize other for being judgmental are you judging us?
                Clyde Herrin's Blog

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by Working Buck

                  Oh did Jesus judge the sinners the way a lot of people here judge others?
                  Christ told the woman caught in adultery to "go and sin no more." (John 8:11)

                  Originally posted by Working Buck
                  To think a lot of people here brag about being Christians. " If you're a christian you must be like this, you must be like that,"
                  "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."—Matthew 18:15

                  "But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. Expel the wicked person from among you." — 1 Corinthians 5:11-13

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Working Buck
                    Matthew 7:1-5


                    “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
                    John 8:7

                    And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.”


                    Seeing this forum for a while really is disappointing. I would rather have no religion whatsoever and do good to others than be a Christian who thinks he is so clean he can judge others of their wrong doing. A lot of you people must be fun to be with at parties huh?
                    Originally posted by Working Buck

                    I am not. I was just stating what you said to someone who did something wrong like a lot of people here have said. Well you must be a pretty clean human aren't yah? I would rather be judged by God than humans, because God would understands.
                    Click image for larger version  Name:	Do not Judge.jpg Views:	3 Size:	53.3 KB ID:	27276


                    Working Buck,

                    Do you know that there is a difference between discerning right from wrong and judging, and that there are real stones that people cast?

                    God bless,
                    William

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Working Buck
                      I would rather be judged by God than humans, because God would understands.
                      You are right. God understands us completely and humans don't. That is why we should fear his judgment more. We can deceive humans and persuade them that our sins aren't really as bad as they say. We can even deceive ourselves. We can't deceive God. He sees through all the excuses we make and sees us as we really are.
                      Clyde Herrin's Blog

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Why date a man for up to three years without marriage. It's a waste of time and energy on the part of the lady. In my own view if after six months there are no signs of marriage happening the other party that is willing to settle down to marriage should leave. The relationship may turn out to waste the precious time of the lady.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Interesting point, Tony. And the model that, I think, that is more fitting for the Christian is "courtship" rather than "dating". There is a difference in both the goal and how one goes about said. It isn't really a new concept either, but rather an old one that worked pretty well over the years.

                          And, on a personal note, it worked for our family. We've been happily married for many years and have two little ones.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Nahum View Post
                            Interesting point, Tony. And the model that, I think, that is more fitting for the Christian is "courtship" rather than "dating". There is a difference in both the goal and how one goes about said. It isn't really a new concept either, but rather an old one that worked pretty well over the years.

                            And, on a personal note, it worked for our family. We've been happily married for many years and have two little ones.
                            Thanks for acknowledging my view and for the correction. I strongly believe in courtship that is not unnecessarily long to avoid temptations.

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              The times have changed a lot,since a woman would take care of the man and the woman expected to be cared for as well. Women don't hold out as much today as they use to,as far as the sleeping together thing goes,and the man has lots to lose,like his savings and property,if everything goes wrong. If you watch TV shows(sitcoms)about married couples,they make a clown out of the man a lot today,while the woman is made out to be a genius of some kind. The woman can change her mind and just walk away,so its tough today to find some respect and trust with a relationship,and men are just being careful today!
                              Last edited by FolkArtist; 04-17-2017, 06:18 PM.

                              Comment

                              Sponsors

                              Collapse

                              Working...
                              X
                              Articles - News - SiteMap