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theophilus

Tips for good writing

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Here are some writing tips I have found on the internet.

 

1. Always avoid alliteration.

 

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

 

3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)

 

4. Employ the vernacular

 

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

 

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

 

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

 

8. Contractions aren’t necessary.

 

9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

 

10. One should never generalize.

 

11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

 

12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

 

13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

 

14. Be more or less specific.

 

15. Understatement is always best.

 

16. One word sentences? Eliminate.

 

17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

 

18. The passive voice is to be avoided.

 

19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

 

20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

 

21. Who needs rhetorical questions?

 

22. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

 

23. Superlatives are the worst.

 

24. Brevity is the soul of wit; that is to say, in order to best maximize one’s rhetorical effect, it is necessary to strip down any given idea to its bare essentials, and to use as few words as necessary to convey the sentiment, generally speaking.

 

25. You shouldn’t never, ever use double negatives.

 

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Keeping in the spirit:

 

One bright day in the middle of the night

Two dead boys got up to fight

Back to back they faced each other

Drew their swords and shot each other

A deaf policeman heard the noise

And came to arrest the two dead boys.

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