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  • Prayers please

    I type this in complete humility. I am not fit to be called a Christian. I am full of doubts, unable to pray, have read my bible only 2 times in the last month. Haven't been to church as much. I have lots of struggles with spirituality, God knows all of this. I know God exists but am at war in my soul. I am drawn to things not Christlike, yet they make sense to me, total sense. I am the sow returning to her vomit.Please have mercy on me brothers and sisters. Do not judge me harshly. God is my only judge. I only feel enlightened when I feel I am in control of my life. Christianity seems bound together with guilt and duty and no true feeling of living by Grace. This makes me feel like I am less of a Christian. I cannot pray, my mind wanders. yet I long to know God's love. I cannot share these feelings with anyone. There is much I cannot post here for worry of being thrown off this forum. I want to know Peace and certaintly of peace in the afterlife, but I doubt too much. The divided church and actions of 'Christians' fuels my doubt and turning away. Please pray that God would speak clearly to me and help me as I feel he is not doing either at the moment. Thankyou

  • #2
    Originally posted by waterseeker View Post
    I type this in complete humility. I am not fit to be called a Christian. I am full of doubts, unable to pray, have read my bible only 2 times in the last month.
    Hello waterseeker,

    I am sure you feel a little exposed at this moment for sharing your sins whether in thought or action. The fact that you're warring against such worldly temptations in spiritual warfare makes you Christian! But lemme encourage you in seeking prayer from others.

    James 5:16 - Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
    Sometimes we go through a burn out and we need the dying embers flamed anew from others with passion for the Lord. If for any reason you do not pray, then pray to the Lord to take those reasons away.

    Martin Luther once said:

    “Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other merry thing. Sometimes we must drink more, sport, recreate ourselves, and even sin a little to spite the devil, so that we leave him no place for troubling our consciences with trifles. We are conquered if we try too conscientiously not to sin at all. So when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to.”
    This is to say that we may discern between the promptings of the Holy Spirit and the Devil. I think we are always in danger of becoming numb in conscience towards sin. The gentle promptings of the Holy Spirit to tenderize our sinful conscience may be happening so that we may respond. On the other hand, the Devil may be working in a similar fashion, the counterfeiter may be working to make you numb to sin. Sometimes we are caught up in meaningless legalities as per Luther's point and need to just relax to spite the Devil.

    I pray for you in that you find support from not only here, but through the community of your church, the leadership from the pulpit, and the conscience convictions brought about by the Holy Spirit as I have. Remember, as for a divided church, doctrine divides, just as the wheat from the tares, and the goats from the sheep. But the unity of the "catholic" church can be found in the essentials by which all Christian churches agree making them rightfully named Christian.

    God bless,
    William
    Comment>

    • #3
      thank you william.
      Comment>

      • #4
        update....thank you, all of you for your prayers. I went to church today, and although hard to put into words, was touched by the Holy Spirit of God! rather like a white heat in my heart, I was completely blown away and stood there with my eyes closed during a song.
        Comment>

        • #5
          Originally posted by waterseeker View Post
          Please pray that God would speak clearly to me and help me as I feel he is not doing either at the moment.
          God is helping you whether you can feel it or not. I have experienced the things you are going through now and one result is that I have learned to depend more on God's word and less on my own feelings. I will pray that God will help you to understand this truth. Keep in mind God's promise:

          We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
          (Romans 5:3-5 ESV)
          Clyde Herrin's Blog
          Comment>

          • #6
            Originally posted by waterseeker View Post
            I type this in complete humility. I am not fit to be called a Christian.
            None of us at the beginning or even later are...that is, fit to be a called a Christian.

            "But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick" Matt 9:12

            We all need the Great Physician, but don't wait until things are fixed. Come to Him when you need to be "fixed".

            I am full of doubts, unable to pray, have read my bible only 2 times in the last month. Haven't been to church as much. I have lots of struggles with spirituality, God knows all of this. I know God exists but am at war in my soul. I am drawn to things not Christlike, yet they make sense to me, total sense. I am the sow returning to her vomit.Please have mercy on me brothers and sisters.
            Simply surrender to God my friend. He is not looking for those who are already perfect. If He were then He would be very disappointed. He is looking for hearts like yours that have a desire to please Him in spite of faults.

            Do not judge me harshly. God is my only judge. I only feel enlightened when I feel I am in control of my life. Christianity seems bound together with guilt and duty and no true feeling of living by Grace. This makes me feel like I am less of a Christian. I cannot pray, my mind wanders. yet I long to know God's love. I cannot share these feelings with anyone.
            But you have now, even without the details. God knows the details. He simply wants you to admit to yourself, as you have, the impossibility of doing the right thing alone. It is the nature of the beast that every man without God is.

            There is much I cannot post here for worry of being thrown off this forum. I want to know Peace and certaintly of peace in the afterlife, but I doubt too much. The divided church and actions of 'Christians' fuels my doubt and turning away. Please pray that God would speak clearly to me and help me as I feel he is not doing either at the moment. Thankyou
            You have made a step in returning to a church. God is certainly pleased with the effort. But, serving God is not a one time effort or even a one time surrender. You must come to a where you "pray without ceasing" and "rejoice in the Lord always". These are impossible things, but ask God to help you do them and then do the best you can. Keep on asking...

            "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" Matt 7:7

            I am joining in prayer here for you.
            Comment>

            • #7
              Originally posted by waterseeker View Post
              I type this in complete humility. I am not fit to be called a Christian. I am full of doubts, unable to pray, have read my bible only 2 times in the last month. Haven't been to church as much. I have lots of struggles with spirituality, God knows all of this. I know God exists but am at war in my soul. I am drawn to things not Christlike, yet they make sense to me, total sense. I am the sow returning to her vomit.Please have mercy on me brothers and sisters. Do not judge me harshly. God is my only judge. I only feel enlightened when I feel I am in control of my life. Christianity seems bound together with guilt and duty and no true feeling of living by Grace. This makes me feel like I am less of a Christian. I cannot pray, my mind wanders. yet I long to know God's love. I cannot share these feelings with anyone. There is much I cannot post here for worry of being thrown off this forum. I want to know Peace and certaintly of peace in the afterlife, but I doubt too much. The divided church and actions of 'Christians' fuels my doubt and turning away. Please pray that God would speak clearly to me and help me as I feel he is not doing either at the moment. Thankyou
              I'll pray that God illuminates your path. You do not have to worry, God sent his son here to die for your sins, Jesus said "It is finished", and he meant it. Your sins are wiped off of your slate, because of Jesus, and the price he paid. John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whomever should believe in him, shall not perish, but have eternal life"


              25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

              26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


              Keep your priorities straight though, I'd advise you don't go to church, if you don't feel ready for it. Let God heal you first.


              What you feel is something I feel aswell, but, God is here to lift you up.


              God bless you.
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