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Beauty – Has all to do with dating, but little to do with love!

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  • Beauty – Has all to do with dating, but little to do with love!

    Life keeps repeating cycles. Our efforts are expended in huge doses with the desire for a significant change, but we end up with the same results. Single Christians, are you pleased with the results of your efforts? I invite Christian singles to consider a thought that could change your perspective in how you view other Christian singles.

    For many Christian singles dating in today’s world has become more about attraction and feelings than substance. God created beauty and certainly wants us to enjoy it. However, when beauty becomes a god and is sought after and worshiped above all else it moves out of God’s design.

    This is very true when applied to connecting with other Christian singles to build relationships. Where in this world did we flip a switch and think that relationships can and should be treated like microwave ovens? Building relationships is an art form that comes out of effort and practice. It does not “just happen.”

    Christian singles have been tricked or seduced into meat market mentality. The consideration is totally focused on the surface features of other Christian singles and internal gratification. The primary consideration being used by most Christian singles today is that one must register high on their beauty scale or they are not worthy of a moment of consideration. This is not only shallow but also stupid. (I do not use that word often but it really applies in this case.)

    Many Christian singles have allowed the elements of attraction to become the total picture of any consideration. Attraction is a wonderful ingredient of a healthy relationship, but does not always appear in the first moments of contact. I know of many Christian singles in wonderful relationships that were not attracted to each other in initial contacts. Fortunately they used a more mature approach in getting to know other Christian singles. The process is what allowed both attraction and love to surface and mature.

    What leads your consideration as you relate to other Christian singles?

    Christian singles, I believe that this is one of the major contributors to the high divorce rate, especially for second marriages. There is a rush to fill the void and bring comfort and excitement that the essential elements of love are ignored during the flash to the wedding line. The couple soon awakens to find that there is little if any love in the relationship. The only connections built in the relationship were superficial relating to attraction and feelings. This shallowness will not sustain a relationship and is not my definition of love.

    Love is a process of getting to know and experiencing differences as well as similarities. It takes time to surface and build a solid foundation. Without such a foundation there is little chance of realizing the much desired love and romance that many Christian singles seek.

    The Bible has a wonderful chapter about love. I invite Christian singles to read 1Corinthians 13 to find out the elements of real love. Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Dating Advice & Safety And: Do you know about the “Peacock Syndrome” in Dating Single Christians? And: Christian dating: "What are the “NORMAL” stages in dating for Christian singles?" And: "What about Christian Dating and Signals?" And: In Christian Dating is Chemistry important or not? And: Christian Singles, are you Getting the Same Results?

    Wake up and move toward realizing the fullness, joy, and love in life that God desires for you. May God silence the voices that are leading Christian singles down a different and unsatisfying path.

    In His love,
    Pastor Jim

  • #2
    Originally posted by William View Post
    For many Christian singles dating in today’s world has become more about attraction and feelings than substance. God created beauty and certainly wants us to enjoy it. However, when beauty becomes a god and is sought after and worshiped above all else it moves out of God’s design.

    This is very true when applied to connecting with other Christian singles to build relationships. Where in this world did we flip a switch and think that relationships can and should be treated like microwave ovens? Building relationships is an art form that comes out of effort and practice. It does not “just happen.”
    I agree with this. We should not be focused on physical attraction as our primary concern, though I believe we should be wholeheartedly attracted to our potential spouse. I say "spouse" because dating should be about marriage, not as an "end game," but as the natural progression of a relationship founded in Christ. I want to want to be physically intimate with my wife. Even if a woman is mentally and emotionally attractive, if she is not physically appealing to me, I won't want to date or marry her. That having been said, I point to the fact I said "wholeheartedly attracted to our potential spouse." We are all made of mind, body, and spirit, and we should not worship any of it.

    In the end, loving a woman is not about loving her beauty, or her mind, or her heart. Those are things to be admired, but what we should love is the person themselves, which is only possible through getting to know the person on an intimate level as appropriate for each "stage" of a relationship. Marriage, in my mind as a single man, is not the end stage of a relationship, but a continual growth of the love two people have for one another. In short, we shouldn't hang our proverbial hat on physical attraction, though it is important. If we can't love a person outside of all their attributes, however, and we do hang our hat on any number of attributes, we have fallen into a wrong mentality.
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    • #3
      Sadly yes. Like the famous saying, you can't fall in love at first sight using personality. It's always physical at first, then when you get to know each other better, that's when the emotional level sinks in. But at first it's always the looks of people that you will notice. You can deny it, but it's the truth. People are very superficial at first, and that's just human nature. Nothing we can do with that fact.
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      • #4
        Physical attraction won't cause people to fall in love, but chemistry is important in the beginning stages in order to see if you wish to take the dating part of it, into a relationship. Nothing wrong with chemistry, unless we become too vain and that becomes the sum total of our dating experience.
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        • #5
          Originally posted by Deidre View Post
          Physical attraction won't cause people to fall in love, but chemistry is important in the beginning stages in order to see if you wish to take the dating part of it, into a relationship. Nothing wrong with chemistry...
          I agree with that. Being sexually attracted to the opposite sex is normal and is part of being a human being. Sure being emotionally and intellectually attracted to someone are important but being physically\sexually are also important. I for one would not marry someone I was not physically\sexually attracted any more than I would marry someone who I was not emotionally and intellectually attracted.
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          • #6
            I view marriage as something worked at, rather than the notion that one can "find the right person." It's a matter of being the right person. Hard task sometimes.

            The truth is that no matter how long you date someone, the likelihood is that this won't be the same person you marry, lol. When people date they always put the best foot forward, but after marriage that is not always the case, and it is then we truly begin to find out who it is we have married. I see nothing in Scripture that advocates dating, and cultural issues aside, as Christians, I think we have an obligation to follow a biblical course when we marry. It's sad how many marriages end because they fail to do that.

            And I have to disagree in part with the statement that no-one falls in love at first sight based on personality, because sometimes it is the personality some are drawn to. And while a physical attraction is usually the norm, many who fall in love do so as they get to know people. It's that initial attraction to the personality that can sometimes outweigh the physical perspective. Because of this, it is a good idea for men and women not to spend too much time together, particularly if married (i.e., workplace relationships). It's a little bit like music. Ever had a group that you like put out a new album and you initially don't like it, but the more you listen the better you like it?


            God bless.
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            • #7
              I believe that very few people have experienced real love which is why it's hard for them to distinguish between the shallow feelings of being attracted to somoene and actually caring enough for that person to never do anything that will hurt them. It's easy to like someone because maybe they are funny or good looking but getting to love someone can be hard because they've got flaws. Flaws that you'll notice only after you've spent a lot of time with them. What then? Do you file for a divorce if you are married? Or end the relationship hoping you'll find someone better? Fact though is there's no good person in this world. So if you'll be looking for one, you'll keep looking your whole life so dream not of fairy tale kind of love. You don't get it. Love is like a plant, you nourish it and it'll flourish. Fail to and it will die.
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              • #8
                I think we're intrigued by beautiful faces but attracted to beautiful minds, especially when it comes to young Christian singles. Today, beauty may be more prominently shown in the media but the youth are smart enough to know that substance and spiritually is all that matters. Love, God and faith for me are the three values we Christian singles should abide by. Look for someone to start a family with and not someone who you could date for fun because you can definitely find that in anyone.
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                • #9
                  In my opinion in this world dating is just a source of enjoyment. Dating is fine if it for planning for your future life being a partner. Couple can discuss about their marriage. If you love some person then you should get married to him or her. Now a days beauty is the main reason of dating. The concept of love has been totally changed while love is factor that keeps both partners in strong and never ending relationship.
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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Deidre View Post
                    Physical attraction won't cause people to fall in love, but chemistry is important in the beginning stages in order to see if you wish to take the dating part of it, into a relationship. Nothing wrong with chemistry, unless we become too vain and that becomes the sum total of our dating experience.
                    I do agree with you on this, physical attraction does not have to lead to a relationship, being with someone is more than that, you need to share the same values and faith in life in order to have a balanced and lovable relationship.
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