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Choosing between your parents and girlfriend

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  • Choosing between your parents and girlfriend

    A friend of mine has a relation with a girl. He wants to marry her but his parents do not like that girl. She had a bad impression on his parents. He tried a lot clear her image in front of his parent but they think that she is greedy for his money. Now his parents are asking him to chose them or his girlfriend. He is much confused and unable to make a decision. What should he do?

  • #2
    Parents are the most precious thing that is gifted from God to us. I feel my parents like a blessing of God. Our parents fed us at that time when were not able to tell them. Parents are responsible for our better brought up and our training. There is no alternate of this relation. So your friend should think about it. He can find many girls in his life but he would never get parents again. He might live with a regret that he disobeyed his parents. So it is better to tell his girlfriend that his parents do not agree with his relationship and he cant go against their decision.
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    • #3
      Your friend should listen to his parents advice and not marry the girl. Parents have a way of sensing and seeing things that us children cannot see and only want the best for us. Your friend's parents may see something in the girl that he does not see since he could be blinded by love of her flaws. In both Ephesians 6:2 and Exodus 20:12, it states to "honor your father and mother". It is written twice in the bible in two different chapters, so it is obviously important and because of this reason, I would suggest that your friend listens to his mother and father and chooses his parents over his girlfriend.
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      • #4
        It is very difficult to come to a conclusion no knowing anything about any of the people involved, though if the parents are Christians and have their son's best interest at heart I would tend to side with them. However, just to take it a step further your friend should have an honest discussion with his girlfriend (if he hasn't already) and if she becomes overly defensive that will be a good indication as to her intentions.

        Again, it is difficult to tell what is really going on, especially since we don't know how much interaction his parents have had with her.
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        • #5
          Choose the girlfriend if he needs one. It is better to be married than to burn.
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          • #6
            Thank for your suggestions. I agree to this point that we should respect our parents. Following their orders are also a part of the respect. A man can have a lot of girls in his life he would have a choice forever to choose one of them but if he is going to leave his parents, he would not be able to get them back forever. Parents are really the most precious thing on the earth and nothing can take their place.

            I am going to suggest the same to my friend. If he will decide religiously then obviously he will get success in his social life too.
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            • #7
              Well, let me tell you as a parent, we`re not always right. We`d love to be, but we are not. Usually parents seek the best for their children, but some are selfish (sorry to say so).

              If they are afraid that girl is only in it for the money, there is the possibility of contracts and agreements.

              Yes, one should honour his/ her parents. That`s a commandment and not to discuss. Obedience to parents is another pair of shoes, it is due as long as one is a child. As a grown up one is self responsible and no longer tied to obey their parents - searching for advice is fine, talking only good about the parents in public, looking to comfort them and take care when they get old is "giving them honour". But strict obedience ends with becoming an adult. I as a parent have to accept that, too. My sons and my daughter are responsible before God`s eyes all by themselfes now.

              Sometimes parents are over cautious with in-laws-to-be because they are afraid to loose their sons and daughters.

              Seeking further advice from mothers and fathers in Christ could be a good idea because they are not that emotionally envolved.


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              • #8
                I can see maybe from the parents side and the way that they view the situation- that the parents may not like the new in-laws,and that they may have to deal with these people for a long time to come as well into the future. They have more experience than the kid and see some red flags with the girl he is going to marry and the parents could be trying to protect their son and his well-being, so he gets off to a better start in life,because its possible that he may be blinded by love?
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                • #9
                  It depends on the age of the guy and the girlfriend. Biblically a man and woman are supposed to leave their parents and cleave to each other. It's great to have the blessings of your parents, but sometimes that doesn't happen.

                  Apparently the guy has a lot of money and they're concerned that she's really after the financial security he'd offer -- some spouses have been known to marry for money -- divorce after a while and get a good bunch of money as a result. But once the guy and gal are adults -- they can legally get married. Parents and friends can offer advice -- but - in the end -- it's the guy and the gal that are making their decision.

                  Our kids sometimes makes decisions that us parents don't agree with. It's part of life.
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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Sue D. View Post
                    It depends on the age of the guy and the girlfriend. Biblically a man and woman are supposed to leave their parents and cleave to each other. It's great to have the blessings of your parents, but sometimes that doesn't happen.

                    Apparently the guy has a lot of money and they're concerned that she's really after the financial security he'd offer -- some spouses have been known to marry for money -- divorce after a while and get a good bunch of money as a result. But once the guy and gal are adults -- they can legally get married. Parents and friends can offer advice -- but - in the end -- it's the guy and the gal that are making their decision.

                    Our kids sometimes makes decisions that us parents don't agree with. It's part of life.
                    I agree with your point but how can anyone leave their parents who brought him up that well. We cant deny their greatness among us. If parents are asking for something wrong then you have the right to deny their order but for such a non serious things we should consider their orders.
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                    • #11
                      Parents with adult 'kids' should Not be 'ordering' them around. It's supposed to be a natural thing To leave your parents / get an apartment / go to college. Honor your parents , yes. Ask for advice when you want to. I never lived to my parents after leaving for college -- a long ways from home. And I came from a Christian family.

                      Some parents Do feel a need to go to the extent of choosing their mates for them. But I think that That is a bit Too much control. And in some countries -- that's the way it works -- and families live in a multi-generational setting. I'm glad that I don't live in that setting.

                      Parents who do a good job bring their kids up -- are preparing them to be independent / on their own/ parent's should be working themselves Out of a job. Kids Should be able to take care of themselves.
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                      • #12
                        God FIRST
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                        • #13
                          I think parents are always there to make good decisions for us as they have seen the world and they have experience to deal with the things in this world. They learned us to get done with problems in life so they can suggest us better. We can realize their importance when we dont have them in our lives anymore. So it is better to act upon on their advice rather than disobeying them.
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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by demitri View Post
                            I think parents are always there to make good decisions for us as they have seen the world and they have experience to deal with the things in this world. They learned us to get done with problems in life so they can suggest us better. We can realize their importance when we dont have them in our lives anymore. So it is better to act upon on their advice rather than disobeying them.
                            I agree with your thoughts as we cannot the importance of our parents. We can never make better decision without their suggestion. I don't know how people think that they can do the things better than their parents. It is being over confident about yourself. We cannot break old relations to make the new ones.
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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by jahanzeb ali qureshi View Post

                              I agree with your thoughts as we cannot the importance of our parents. We can never make better decision without their suggestion. I don't know how people think that they can do the things better than their parents. It is being over confident about yourself. We cannot break old relations to make the new ones.
                              It's true that some times parents Do have a certain amount of wisdom as they grow older. But not necessarily. We are to respect our parents as authority figures as we grow up. But at Some point - as young adults -- we Need to be given the responsibility for making our Own decisions. What about parents who are Not believers -- who are on drugs, alcoholics or whatever. One of the jobs Of parenting is to let your kids make their own choices and learn from their mistakes and from their success. When kids are young, we teach them. And as teens we guide them -- as adults they make their choices --can ask our advice -- but a wise parent will let them make their Own choices.

                              And, sometimes, relationships Need to be left behind and new ,maybe, healthier ones developed.

                              If your parents want you to follow in Their footsteps -- Their profession - but You don't feel led in that direction -- They need to let You pursue Your interests. And, maybe you Will be carrying on the family business to the next generation just as They did from Their parents.

                              The non-believing parents who's son/ daughter are converted to Christianity in high school and feel led to go to the mission field. Their parents are Against it -- are those grown kids required to follow their parents wishes to stay home and pursue another area of interest? Or are they free to pursue their Godly leading.
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