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Trying to get past hurts

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    Trying to get past hurts

    I am trying to get past some hurts that occurred in church about 11 years ago. I was a pastor and before that I was a chaplain. I pastored a church that split and i ended up resigning. Some of the church leadership said horrible things about me and my wife. Since then, I have been hopping around from church to church, but i can never settle on one. Now, my wife isn't going to church with me. i have asked her repeatedly to go with me and she won't. I went a church this morning and didn't know anyone there and saw all the families sitting together and everyone seemed to know each other and felt completely and totally alone. I ended up walking out soon after arriving and didn't stay for the service.
    When I do go to a church for a while as soon as I start to get to know people I find some reason to leave. I guess i don't want to get close enough to people to get hurt again. I wish I could get past this. I feel so miserable on the inside

    #2
    Originally posted by jsimms435 View Post
    I am trying to get past some hurts that occurred in church about 11 years ago. I was a pastor and before that I was a chaplain. I pastored a church that split and i ended up resigning. Some of the church leadership said horrible things about me and my wife. Since then, I have been hopping around from church to church, but i can never settle on one. Now, my wife isn't going to church with me. i have asked her repeatedly to go with me and she won't. I went a church this morning and didn't know anyone there and saw all the families sitting together and everyone seemed to know each other and felt completely and totally alone. I ended up walking out soon after arriving and didn't stay for the service.
    When I do go to a church for a while as soon as I start to get to know people I find some reason to leave. I guess i don't want to get close enough to people to get hurt again. I wish I could get past this. I feel so miserable on the inside
    What you experienced is politics and not in any form Christianity. Those who sowed those seeds will reep the harvest of what they sowed and it will be to them that those problems will come.

    I would ask you to look deaply inside yourself and ponder my words without responding to me. Do you find a reason to leave because of them or because of your unwillingness to forgive? If you carry around baggage, that baggage is carried into any place you enter and leaves with you when you depart. The gift of forgiveness is not for those you forgive as much as it is for you letting go of destructive feelings that undermine you as a person and also you stance with God.

    What you project of your personality is how you are seen and what you project upon those around you is how you perceive them to be, which will spoil any new relationships and rot your character from within.
    Last edited by just_me; 04-01-2018, 09:08 PM.

    Comment


      #3
      jsmmis, dear brother I can relate to your hurt more than you could possibly know. I want to be loving and at the same time speak the truth in love. The root of bitterness has taken a deep root in both your lives. You must take the spiritual leadership God has given you, and ask God to heal your broken hearts and lives. Eleven years it too long to keep nursing the deep wounds you and your wife has suffered.

      Grace needs to be applied to your Christian lives. It was by Grace you and your wife were saved. IT is by Grace that your spiritual lives can be redeemed again into a right relationship with your Lord Jesus Christ. By what you have told me I am pretty sure you and perhaps your wife are not in the Word Daily. Most likely you and your wife no longer pray together. This has deeply effected your marriage, and after eleven years you both are sinking deeply into seriously deep waters. I truly wish to give both of you a life vest for in deed it sounds like you are drifting apart. Oh dear brother its been to long to be away from worshiping with other souls that have been hurt as well. The Church is for us who have been broken and hurt.

      Now brother, I just prayed for you and your wife. You and your wife need help, this has effected you guys way too long. What are you going to do now? I suggest you first ask God to heal you and your wife. See if she will start praying with you. These are very small steps in healing. I can fully suggest a book that just might help GRACE IS GREATER by Kyle Idleman I honestly think this is a good book to read. Its been a healing book for me.

      Brother now is the time to begin healing, please don't allow this Root of Bitterness to grow any deeper, Kill the Root or it may kill you spiritually. God be with you as you seek Gods healing power.

      All of us who Follow Jesus, will suffer, Jesus told us so.

      Comment


      • jsimms435
        jsimms435 commented
        Editing a comment
        I spend time in God's Word on a daily basis and am reading through the Bible this year actually. I contacted a christian counseling program this morning and am waiting for a call back from them to set up a time to meet with a christian counselor.

      • Sue D.
        Sue D. commented
        Editing a comment
        Sounds like good steps in moving Forward.

      #4
      I've never experienced something like that, but all of us have been in a church full of hypocrites, or false teaching, or flat out insanity before I imagine.
      I've been lower class my whole life and know the discouraging feeling of being looked down on, which at a young age did a lot of damage because that example lead me away from church and Christianity. Thankfully Christ showed me the truth and lead me to real brethren.
      Don't give up, you have family out there that would love to meet you, and give people a chance, anytime you're new somewhere people seem mean and are hard to trust.

      I'm praying you and your wife find a church family. And blessed Resurrection Sunday.

      Comment


        #5
        Originally posted by jsimms435 View Post
        I am trying to get past some hurts that occurred in church about 11 years ago. I was a pastor and before that I was a chaplain. I pastored a church that split and i ended up resigning. Some of the church leadership said horrible things about me and my wife. Since then, I have been hopping around from church to church, but i can never settle on one. Now, my wife isn't going to church with me. i have asked her repeatedly to go with me and she won't. I went a church this morning and didn't know anyone there and saw all the families sitting together and everyone seemed to know each other and felt completely and totally alone. I ended up walking out soon after arriving and didn't stay for the service.
        When I do go to a church for a while as soon as I start to get to know people I find some reason to leave. I guess i don't want to get close enough to people to get hurt again. I wish I could get past this. I feel so miserable on the inside
        i was a part of a 2 church splits - it hurt a lot of innocent people

        in both cases power hungry elders thought they would oust the pastor - which they did

        in both cases the pastor did not see it coming - and the elders lied to everyone about the pastor

        later many of the innocent people were also ousted by the power hungry elders - corruption has a way of turning on good people

        we all had to get a healing from God - and in the end the corrupt elders turned on each other

        it is very understandable that you and your wife feel uneasy with large groups of christians - because christians quite often do not behave like christians

        what i have learned through many years of being betrayed by various people is that i need to lean on God about who to invest my life into

        you would know what this means being gifted by God to be a pastor - as you being one who invests in the lives of others

        there are many who clamor for a pastor's attention - but with bad motives in their heart - they really harbor jealousy and a desire to bring you down

        then there are good people who would not think of imposing themselves on you - those who would really benefit by your investment - and who would be forever grateful and respectful and loyal toward you - but they would not think to approach you and bother you with their needs

        Jesus would not entrust Himself to anyone for He knew what was in a man - He followed the Father's leading about what to do and what to say - John 2:24 - John 5:19 - John 12:49

        imo God's calling on your life is still there but He wants to help you and teach you how to know who He wants you to invest in - and who He wants you to block access to

        fighting with people with corrupt and aggressive hearts is fruitless - it angers them and they spend their time dreaming up ways to counter you and sabotage you

        imo the best thing to do is love everyone - and when you see warning signs of corruption in certain people politely be too busy to associate with them

        reserve your time for those who God shows you are trustworthy people - 2 Timothy 2:2

        in short there are many good people who need help but unfortunately the untrustworthy people are the ones who aggressively pursue you - take up your time - and do you harm later

        God will help you forgive and heal from the corrupt behavior of people AND He will teach you how to know which people are trustworthy people to gather with - and church-build and kingdon-build with

        praying for you and your wife my dear friend

        God has a good future for you - this trauma you experienced will cause you to know God's wisdom and power in the future - don't give up - your calling is still in force - and God will teach you how to love - forgive - and be wise - in a new way that many others have not seen before

        God Bless you both

        Comment


        • Truthfrees
          Truthfrees commented
          Editing a comment
          amen - that is awesome - your gifts are being used in a setting where people need you and appreciate you - awesome

          praying for your and your wife's wounds and hurts to be healed so that you will be free to do anything God wants you to without any complications

        • Sue D.
          Sue D. commented
          Editing a comment
          The thing with easter-egg hunts for little kids on Easter Sunday morning -- as in 'what does That have to do with Jesus' Christ's resurrection. I'm thinking that it's origins are pagan-related. Some churches use plastic eggs that Bible verses can be put into for the kids to find. Is it really part of Resurrection Sunday, No. But everyone with small kids sort of expects it.

          The church soft-ball team -- someone possibly had a bad experience 'way back when' and don't want to risk it again. Or churches should only have Bible related activities for the youth. Soft-ball being a 'secular' activity. And some churches -- one I'd gone to for a while had an Awana Club which is a great out-reach into the community for kids. However -- there were Gangs in the area and the higher classed parents didn't want 'those' kids interacting with 'their' kids. At one point -- one of 'those' kids had a friend come and started an argument outside -- the police were called - just to make sure nothing bad happened. 'Those' kids were being a BAD influence on our 'good' kids. The program did Not have strong leadership. It folded after a while.

          After a while - That pastor left and a new pastor called. He was Encouraging the youth to reach out to their friends Bring them to youth activities. They Need to be reached. Pretty soon the church was full and over-flowing with neighborhood kids. Prior to That -- someone had suggested that the fellowship hall be used for kids from Middle school across the street to come to get help with studying. There were several teachers at church who Could have helped. But 'someone' was concerned about 'liability' for damages done to the church. With the New pastor -- every inch of the church Including the fellowship hall was being used for youth activities. Since then, we've built a new multi-use church. The auditorium is also a basket-ball court. That is until the 2nd phase of the church is built. This pastor is seeing the town as a home-mission field. We don't use regular pews -- rather , padded, comfortable stackable chairs.

        • Sue D.
          Sue D. commented
          Editing a comment
          jsimms435 -- excellent -- being a licensed counselor -- So Many hurting people. Biblical counseling -- and not simply "thou shalt not, so Don't" but the why's associated with the problem. I spent some time with a Biblical counselor.

        #6
        About 6 years ago we had a church split. I lost a lot of friends in that one. :/ I have been attending that church for 29 years now. I may be moving next year (or sooner) and will likely find a new church home. I do miss the old friends but we have drifted apart and are more like acquaintances now.

        Comment


        • Sue D.
          Sue D. commented
          Editing a comment
          Lots of people have lots of acquaintances, but a real friend. That takes time. And this world isn't getting easier to live in. People seem more secure in surface relationships. But -in the long run -- everyone wants to be 'known' by Someone.
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