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So I am interested in this woman at Church.....

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    So I am interested in this woman at Church.....

    So I am interested in this woman at Church.....

    Let me pretext this by saying that I am terrible with women....
    She and I are in the same volunteer group that does ushering and other little volunteer things during the services. I have known her for almost a year and we have talked a few times at church. Since it is an every other month kinda thing, I don't really get to see her every month and sometimes she travels back to visit her parents and other times she has to work during the morning services, so she goes to one of the evening services. Basically we have had a few pretty good conversations. I personally do not believe in dating in the modern sense, but more so something like courting. She has a couple times seemed to actually seek out a conversation with me. But when I try to talk to her on facebook, she will say a couple things and engage me once or twice but then seems to ignore me, she is active on FB for a long time after I say something and I can tell she read what I wrote, but then she never responds. In her defense, sometimes what I say is pretty stupid and there isn't much she would be likely to want to respond with. But then even after this, at church she has seemed to actually seek out a conversation with me by walking over to where I am(and there is no one else near that area within 15 feet) just as I get done with what I am doing and we talk for a good 20 minutes. And now I talk to her, making small talk and she responds once and then I say something again and she has not responded in almost 2 and a half hours. I am terrible with women, what am I missing here?

    #2
    Originally posted by Seeker611 View Post
    So I am interested in this woman at Church.....

    Let me pretext this by saying that I am terrible with women....
    She and I are in the same volunteer group that does ushering and other little volunteer things during the services. I have known her for almost a year and we have talked a few times at church. Since it is an every other month kinda thing, I don't really get to see her every month and sometimes she travels back to visit her parents and other times she has to work during the morning services, so she goes to one of the evening services. Basically we have had a few pretty good conversations. I personally do not believe in dating in the modern sense, but more so something like courting. She has a couple times seemed to actually seek out a conversation with me. But when I try to talk to her on facebook, she will say a couple things and engage me once or twice but then seems to ignore me, she is active on FB for a long time after I say something and I can tell she read what I wrote, but then she never responds. In her defense, sometimes what I say is pretty stupid and there isn't much she would be likely to want to respond with. But then even after this, at church she has seemed to actually seek out a conversation with me by walking over to where I am(and there is no one else near that area within 15 feet) just as I get done with what I am doing and we talk for a good 20 minutes. And now I talk to her, making small talk and she responds once and then I say something again and she has not responded in almost 2 and a half hours. I am terrible with women, what am I missing here?
    Hope you don't mind me answering your thread in your other thread?

    I will repeat what I offered there, here.

    Sounds like she is pretty busy and involved with the church. You may want to ask her whether she belongs to a single group or could recommend you to one? If I may, I recommend asking her in person and not on FB. Also, this may be an opportunity to ask if she belongs to one. You may then have the opportunity to ask whether it is directed in finding a spouse thereby letting her know you are interested in courtship?

    God bless,
    William
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      #3
      Not sure what your missing as I can't see the situation myself. But I would suggest possibly approaching her in conversation with a sense of confidence. Woman are usually drawn to a mans confidence. Just don't be overconfident and be humble at the same time in respect to the way you treat her.

      However I also suggest seeing if she is in any church group/functions like William suggests. Whatever it would take to get more time with her in person. It may be God that was drawing her to you and that's why she doesn't respond all the time on facebook. Facebook seems to be a very small way to communicate with woman. A lot of times it works but it may also take something more along the lines of approaching her in person or giving her a confident invitation to hang out outside of church. If she's interested or not, I can't say like I said in the beginning of this response as I wouldn't know but if you can get her number than from what you are saying she more than likely would be if she offered it to you.
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        #4
        On a personal level i would advise that you pray about it first.Ask Gods will about your desire before you act upon it.I think thats where many people go wrong because God knows what is best for you.Then with an ever so mild approach ask her to have an ice creame with you sometime.If its of God,every other thing will fall in place at Gods speed.Involve God at every stage in your life,he will never disappoint you.
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          #5
          Not my forte either. I will give you a hint however; If you are unsure how she feels about you and you're about to ask her out, see if you can talk to one of her close friends first. Who knows, she may be crazy about you​, but sometimes women seem "to come on strong" when in reality they may already be in a significant relationship. Good luck to ya brother.

          Also, I second William's advice.


          Btw, I think it would be great to get a godly woman's take too. CB? Cindy?
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            #6
            All great advise guys. I really appreciate it. :) When ever I am able to talk to her in person I do speak confidently, or at least from my perspective I do. I work in a customer service related field, so I have kind of had some practice talking to people I don't know. and when I talk to her I don't really fumble over myself or stutter at all. I don't think. I hate talking on facebook too, I typically don't really do it much, I was definitely not planning on asking anything personal or upfront like asking her out over facebook, that was actually suggested to me by a pastor at my church that knows both of us, and I said that it felt really middle schoolish, I just wanted to be able to talk to her and make some conversation and maybe just to get to know her a little better, so no worries there. Something I had thought might be a reasonable explanation for the facebook activity is that she wants me to try pursuing her harder. Or perhaps she wanted to keep me at a bit of a distance for the time being because while she is not ready for a relationship yet, she might just possibly see something in me that she thinks she might like.. Thinking this way makes me nervous, because it tends to get my hopes up. I have little experience in relationships and I fear rejection, because it has actually happened so many times. I pretty much live in the friend zone when it comes to women that I am interested in. From past experiences it seems like that is my default setting with women right off the bat.

            Now, an added element of difficulty, right now is the month she and I are on the same volunteer team together, but April 2, she was not in the morning services. She had told our group leader ahead of time that she would not be able to make it this Sunday, which is not unusual, and I think she went to one of the night services. Now, I say that because she recently got a second job for the summer months... She is a teacher during the year, so needs some income during the summer, so I have a feeling she is now going to be going to the evening services every Sunday, and not just during the months she had volunteered because the summer job is at a Zoo and naturally, their busy time is the weekends. So she might just be starting the Sunday night service permanently now instead of waiting, I am unsure yet. Usually when someone leaves the volunteer group, their name is taken all the way off the list that the leader send out on Wednesdays, her name was still on the list with a "- -" next to it, indicating to me a "I'm still here, just not this week" kinda thing. I have to wait for this coming Wednesday to see if she is still on the list. Now, I am not sure, but I have seen no indication that she is doing any volunteering during the evening services based on stuff that is posted on facebook right in the middle of when the pastor would be talking. She isn't the rude, disrespectful type to be on facebook within the time frame of a church service. I just told you all that because I feel like she might have at least an idea that I like her... but, from what she said on her blog as little as 4 months ago, she isn't interested in a serious relationship right now, because she has kind of a lot going on in her personal life. Her regular job, running a quite successful weekend children's party business and now working at least part time at the local Zoo. So, while I am fairly confident that she went to the Sunday night services because the pastor had been asking people to make that commitment(go to the less crowded evening services for at least a year) to make room for new comers in the morning services, partially to help make room and probably partially to get other things done on Sunday morning/afternoon... I feel like if I all of a sudden start going to one of the evening services(the same one she goes to for instance) then I might come off kind of like a stalker. Especially since she doesn't volunteer during those services, I don't think, so I wouldn't be gaining an opportunity to interact with her in a natural low pressure way any more than I am right now.

            Now, I have been told that women will sometimes be open to making an exception to a relationship with a guy that they have chemistry with, even though they say that they are not interested in a relationship with anyone at the moment. Do you guys think that is true? With that, my problem is likely to be that I will miss read the situation. I saw a post recently that said that genuine kindness in interpersonal interaction is so rare in modern culture anymore that it is often mistaken for flirting.

            Thanks for the input from all who give it.
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              #7
              I am kind of late to the party, but thought I may have something to add. It certainly sounds like you are interested in her, and she is at least casually interested in you. I would not push that. Let that grow on its own. It almost sounds like you are wanting things to progress faster than they should. Being involved in the same group is great, and will allow you spend some time with her and get to know her. Also, as eden mentioned, I would pray about what God's plan is in regard to this aspect for your life, and if she is someone He has in mind for you.

              Personally, I have had brief relationships that crashed and burned because I rushed things (among other reasons). I also ended up marrying a woman who I was friends with first. It actually took God (figuratively) hitting me over the head to get me to understand this was who He wanted me to marry.

              Put God first, enjoy spending time with her, and see how they progress.
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                #8
                Knotical I don't want it to progress faster than it should and I do pray for guidance on this. Have been for almost a year. Ever since I met her. My time with her is the whole reason I am on here because I am trying to understand it. Sorry. Not sure how you are coming to the conclusions you are.
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                  #9
                  Originally posted by Seeker611 View Post
                  Knotical I don't want it to progress faster than it should and I do pray for guidance on this. Have been for almost a year. Ever since I met her. My time with her is the whole reason I am on here because I am trying to understand it. Sorry. Not sure how you are coming to the conclusions you are.
                  I am not coming to any conclusions other than what you already presented. I am merely speaking from experience. Slow and steady wins the race, as it were. If she is meant for you then just follow God's lead.
                  Comment>

                    #10
                    eden

                    Personally, I have had brief relationships that crashed and burned because I rushed things (among other reasons). I also ended up marrying a woman who I was friends with first. It actually took God (figuratively) hitting me over the head to get me to understand this was who He wanted me to marry.

                    Put God first, enjoy spending time with her, and see how they progress.
                    Is this to say that you believe that God responds to people individually, according to the situation, outside of His Word, outside of Scripture? Obviously His responses through the Spirit cannot contradict Scripture, but do you believe that He does actually speak to people outside of pure Scripture?
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                      #11
                      Originally posted by Knotical View Post
                      I would not push that. Let that grow on its own. It almost sounds like you are wanting things to progress faster than they should. Being involved in the same group is great, and will allow you spend some time with her and get to know her.
                      What from what I have said gives you the idea that I am pushing anything or wanting anything to happen faster than it should?

                      wfredeemed009 she doesn't have any really close friends that go to the same church. According to her Facebook, she is single. And I went into some additional detail about what her attitude to relationships seems to be, in my long post last night.

                      Originally posted by Cloud View Post
                      It may be God that was drawing her to you and that's why she doesn't respond all the time on facebook.
                      Can you clarify this a bit? I had been thinking for a while about possibly asking her to a coffee shop for some hot chocolate(she doesn't like coffee) but I am not sure what her attitude about casual 1 on 1 face to face interaction with men is. Just from things I have seen her write or say in the past I get the impression that she is interested in the courtship kind of relationship model, being friends and getting to know each other first.

                      God has always been part of this as far as I am concerned, even before the first word I spoke to her. The problem I have is one of understanding what God is telling me. I did a thread about that called "Answers to prayer" in the Christian life board.
                      Comment>

                        #12
                        I am going to raise a few points you may not like but should consider. Church events are not a bar so different rules apply. Things like coming over and talking to you isn't necessarily a sign she's interested in you. It can be a sign that she's noticed you are on your own and is trying to make sure you feel welcome, or just because she thinks you are friends. If so and you ask her out, it is going to make things very awkward especially if she didn't realise you saw her that way. Also, what are you going to do if you ask her out and she turns you down? Are you going to have trouble going back to a friendly relationship?

                        If she says she's not interested in a relationship, you might do better to talk to a few of her friends. If you tell them outright that you're not sure if she is interested, they will normally be able to tell you, since they will know her better than you do.

                        Asking her for a one on one meeting might be going far too fast, she might not realise it is a date if you suggest it to discuss work, and it doesn't allow either of you a polite out if she's not interested. Try getting a group of friends or mutual acquantances together for a social thing: a film, or exhibition where there's the group as a buffer but you'll have plenty of time to talk and hopefully meet some of her friends.
                        Comment>

                          #13
                          Like said above I think she may be seeking you out to talk to you as she may have noticed that you are by yourself at church and wants to communicate and create conversation with you. She may just be trying to be a good Christian by talking to you. If she is actively ignoring some of your messages on Facebook then that may not be a good sign. I think the best thing to do would be to maybe ask her out on a date (for a meal maybe?). If she says no then you know that she is not interested but if she does go ahead with it then that is a good sign for you ;)
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                            #14
                            Prayerfully go over the whole thing and do not let emotions over ride you. When it's getting clearer to you she may be the lady you need then you can make out time to have long conversation trying to understand each other. Also, you can have a talk with your spiritual head or pastor for spiritual guidance on your intention for marriage to a sister same Church.
                            Last edited by tony; 06-26-2017, 05:51 AM.
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                              #15
                              First of all, you need to let go of your fears. I think the Bible is very straight forward in this. Remember Japheth, Hannah or even Samson? They were bold and asked God for something steadfastly. God heard them and their wishes were granted. Same case here, you are supposed to ask her out if you indeed like her. Be bold.Of course, this should be your prayer item and ask for God's guidance. However, know that God won't ask the lady out for you. You are to step up to the task. From your statements, it is evident that she has hots for you. Both of you should click. If at all she agrees to go on a date, then you are very safe. Make it a pathway to her heart. Make good friends with her, and with time make your intentions clear. I wish you all the best.
                              Last edited by Gad; 06-24-2017, 09:25 AM.
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