Offer comprehensive advice on almost any subject from Christianity through to the Bible, sex, dating, singleness and marriage, ect...

How To Forgive

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • How To Forgive

    I posted this in the "Relationships" section, but realized it may be better received here...sorry for the double post!

    I could use a little bit of advice here. So without going into too much detail, I come from a divorced and abusive household. My
    mother is a narcissist and only cares about herself. My stepmom was very abusive verbally and emotionally, and my father took her side. Things have been better with my father in recent years, but not with my mother- she is just as self-centered and negative as always, perhaps even more since she realizes I'm actually somewhat happy in my life now.

    My problem is, I feel so much resentment towards my mother and father. I have not forgiven them, and they don't even know I'm angry. I know I will need Jesus to be able to forgive them and not hold onto my last anymore, but how? I am a newer Christian and am struggling with handing it over to God. Does anyone have any advice/relevant bible verses they could offer? It's much appreciated!

  • #2
    To understand forgiveness you must look at the examples given in the bible. First though just understand you must start with a forgiving heart. This is coming from when Jesus responds to the disciples who ask how many times they should forgive someone and Jesus' reply seventy times seven. Meaning we are to always forgive someone who repents of the sin they committed and asks for forgiveness. It is important to note that we are to only forgive those who actually ask for it, as forgiving someone who has not asked for it actually cheapens the act, but we should still approach everything with a forgiving heart.

    In regards to the situation with your family it is good that you are no longer allowing the people who have destructive personalities to have unrestricted access to you. Now they are part of your family, so to a degree you will always love them, but you do not need to keep them in your life to the point you become a door mat.

    Above all pray for them to come to know Christ, and pray for God to give you the courage to confront them, in love, about the things you have taken issue with. That will open the door to forgiveness.
    Comment>

    • #3
      Originally posted by Knotical View Post
      It is important to note that we are to only forgive those who actually ask for it, as forgiving someone who has not asked for it actually cheapens the act, but we should still approach everything with a forgiving heart.
      Whilst I agree that we should forgive people ask for forgiveness I disagree with you about forgiving those who have not asked for it.

      If we have been hurt by someone forgiveness can be necessary for our own psychological health. If we continue to hold onto our hurt, our pain, our anger, it will damage us and hold us back in life. We have to try and let go of the negative feelings. If we don't then we are still held in bondage by them.




      Comment>

      • #4
        Originally posted by Bede View Post

        Whilst I agree that we should forgive people ask for forgiveness I disagree with you about forgiving those who have not asked for it.

        If we have been hurt by someone forgiveness can be necessary for our own psychological health. If we continue to hold onto our hurt, our pain, our anger, it will damage us and hold us back in life. We have to try and let go of the negative feelings. If we don't then we are still held in bondage by them.



        I never said we should hold on to the hurt and pain caused by someone else sinning against us. That is why I mentioned we should approach everything with a forgiving heart. Sure, if we hold onto things it will start to tear us apart. The point is that we approach forgiveness the way Jesus did. If you look at the account of when He died on the cross He plead with God saying, "forgive them, for the know not what they do." This was not a command, but a request, and it was up to God to actually forgive, and only forgive those who actually ask for it.

        Many people confuse having a forgiving heart with actually forgiving anyone who sins against them regardless of repentance. Having a forgiving heart allows us to live free of the power Satan can use over us when others have sinned against us.
        Comment>

        • #5
          Forgiving people who've wronged you isn't easy. I've hated people in the past. HATED THEM. But when I learned that I couldn't continue hating people and be a Christian at the same time, I prayed, asked God to help me. It took years but that hatred started to fade away and eventually it was completely gone. That's what helped me. Lila, take it the LORD in prayer: [[[What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry - Everything to God in prayer! - Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry - Everything to God in prayer!]]]
          Comment>

          • #6
            Originally posted by Smithee View Post
            Forgiving people who've wronged you isn't easy. I've hated people in the past. HATED THEM. But when I learned that I couldn't continue hating people and be a Christian at the same time, I prayed, asked God to help me. It took years but that hatred started to fade away and eventually it was completely gone. That's what helped me. Lila, take it the LORD in prayer: [[[What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry - Everything to God in prayer! - Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry - Everything to God in prayer!]]]
            Of course it isn't easy, on our own. Which is one of the many things that God puts us through that is designed to draw us closer to Him, and emulate how He would handle it.
            Comment>

            • #7
              Forgiveness is one of the hardest things one can deal with, because once a person has failed or betrayed you, you will always have an issue with trusting them again. But that's the thing, forgiveness is necessary, doesn't matter if you still want that person to be a part of your life. You don't have to live with them, but you have to give up the hatred and dread you carry for this person, otherwise you will never really move on.
              Comment>

              • #8
                This is a difficult situation and I am sorry that you had to deal with this problem in your life. Just take solace in the fact that God has a plan for you and you will become a stronger person because of this. I would talk to your parents and let them know how you feel. This may open their eyes and start the healing process. Just holding any animosity towards them secretly will not help anyone. If you do confront them and they do not show any remorse or understanding I would just move on. It is important to truly forgive them but sometimes people need time to realize the wickedness in their life on their own. Once they do realize how they have hurt you I would assume that they would come around and open a dialogue. Sometimes tough love is the only love. Just keep in mind that God does have a plan and this is a part of it. God Bless, I hope this offers some guidance.
                Comment>

                • #9
                  You cannot forgive unless you forget. Sometimes you find it difficult to forget about the past because you never talked about what affected you so that you could have been given some advice. You can also talk to your father and mother about your past and if they can ask for forgiveness then I know you can easily forget about the past after forgiving them.
                  Comment>

                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Francis View Post
                    You cannot forgive unless you forget. Sometimes you find it difficult to forget about the past because you never talked about what affected you so that you could have been given some advice. You can also talk to your father and mother about your past and if they can ask for forgiveness then I know you can easily forget about the past after forgiving them.
                    I disagree with this concept. My ex was very verbally abusive towards me. I prayed for forgiveness for a long time after our divorce and would get knots In my stomach whenever I would have to talk to her. After years of this, I finally came to the realization that forgiving someone and forgetting about what they had done are two separate entities entirely. I have completely forgiven my ex and continue to pray for her to get to know God. I no longer get knots in my stomach when I have to talk her. However, I have not forgotten how I was treated and have had talks with our son (currently living with her and visiting me) about the same issue. I still raise up a "guard rail" (if you will) around me whenever I have to talk with her. Forgetting when someone is abusive only leads to allowing yourself to be damaged again by that person. We are not called to forget what they do to you, but rather to forgive them for it and move on. Think of it this way: Romans 3:23 states that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." God knows that man has sinned and is unworthy but He has forgiven us for those sins. I feel that forgiveness is one of the hardest things we are called to do as Christians. Only with constant prayer was I finally able to forgive my ex wife and find the positives out of our relationship. @Lila: Keep praying to God and listening with your heart and he will show you the way to forgiveness.
                    Comment>

                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Francis View Post
                      You cannot forgive unless you forget. Sometimes you find it difficult to forget about the past because you never talked about what affected you so that you could have been given some advice. You can also talk to your father and mother about your past and if they can ask for forgiveness then I know you can easily forget about the past after forgiving them.
                      Not true. Sure, part of God's forgiveness process is to wipe the slate clean on whatever sin you repented of and asked forgiveness for, but we as humans really are unable to "forget" as easily. However, within the example that God provides on handling forgiveness we should no longer allow whatever sin we have forgiven to hold power over us, or should we hold some sort of perceived power over the other person, as that would be evidence that we have not actually forgiven the sin.

                      There is something to be said about forgiving a particular sin, but then leave an avenue open for a person to commit the same, or similar, sin again in the future. Yes, we are to forgive anyone who transgresses against us, when they ask for it; but we are also to help find a way for the individual to move on from being tempted again in a similar area.
                      Comment>

                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Lila View Post
                        I am a newer Christian and am struggling with handing it over to God. Does anyone have any advice/relevant bible verses they could offer? It's much appreciated!

                        Romans 12:9-21
                        9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
                        14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.



                        Romans advises that you leave it to God to settle all accounts.
                        So the question then becomes, how does God settle accounts?
                        One possibility is to pour the full weight of his deserved anger onto Jesus ... the beating, the torture, the public humiliation, the agonizing death by asphyxiation ... and to offer forgiveness.
                        That is what he did for us.


                        Revelation 14:14-20
                        14 Then I looked, and behold, a white cloud, and seated on the cloud one like a son of man, with a golden crown on his head, and a sharp sickle in his hand. 15 And another angel came out of the temple, calling with a loud voice to him who sat on the cloud, “Put in your sickle, and reap, for the hour to reap has come, for the harvest of the earth is fully ripe.” 16 So he who sat on the cloud swung his sickle across the earth, and the earth was reaped.
                        17 Then another angel came out of the temple in heaven, and he too had a sharp sickle. 18 And another angel came out from the altar, the angel who has authority over the fire, and he called with a loud voice to the one who had the sharp sickle, “Put in your sickle and gather the clusters from the vine of the earth, for its grapes are ripe.” 19 So the angel swung his sickle across the earth and gathered the grape harvest of the earth and threw it into the great winepress of the wrath of God. 20 And the winepress was trodden outside the city, and blood flowed from the winepress, as high as a horse’s bridle, for 1,600 stadia.



                        While Revelation presents a vision, and is therefore highly symbolic, it clearly conveys God's attitude.
                        He orders the sinful of the world, those not forgiven by the blood of Christ, gathered like grapes in order that he may crush them and watch their blood flow from the press.
                        Is that enough anger to satisfy you that God will not let the guilty go unpunished?
                        If we are honest, that us usually why we are unwilling to trust God to handle it. Why we refuse to let go of it. (It was for me.)

                        God gives us his word that not only can He handle it, but He will handle it.
                        No wrong is ever allowed to just slide. Either it is heaped on Christ for payment in full, or ...


                        Matthew 25:41-46
                        41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44 Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ 45 Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46 And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”



                        Again, is that punishment enough for you to trust God to handle it?
                        One final thought:


                        Matthew 6:9-15
                        9 Pray then like this:

                        “Our Father in heaven,
                        hallowed be your name.
                        10 Your kingdom come,
                        your will be done,
                        on earth as it is in heaven.
                        11 Give us this day our daily bread,
                        12 and forgive us our debts,
                        as we also have forgiven our debtors.
                        13 And lead us not into temptation,
                        but deliver us from evil.
                        14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.



                        When you get tired of carrying it, I suggest trusting God to deal with it.
                        Even at my worst, I would only have killed them ... God takes it to a whole new level.

                        "Fear (reverential respect) of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Proverbs 1:7

                        Good luck and God bless,
                        Arthur
                        Comment>

                        • #13
                          I have to agree with both Knotical and EntropiaAddict on this whole forgive and forget thing. It does not seem to be prudent or even possible. No one can really choose to forget something. On a side note, God is omniscient and therefore cannot forget anything or not know something. It is logically impossible.
                          Comment>
                          Working...
                          X
                          Articles - News - SiteMap