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    Dear friends,

    I've just googled to find a page that I can share my story with all my Christian friends. And this is the first website that popped up, so I am going to give it a try.
    For the past years, I have always struggled with my relationships. I have always had problems how to control my emotions and my anger and every relationships made me break down and pray.
    Currently I am in a relationship where I can't see my partner (it's been 5 months), and I always start a fight due to him always being distant, very hard to get in touch with him etc.
    Few days ago, I lost control and said a lot of nasty stuff to him through messages that I cannot even bear to repeat, even to myself. Then I stumbled upon a book called "Soul Detox" by Craig Groeschel and it said God loves you very much so He put this book in your hand. It was very easy read, so I kept going then I've encountered a chapter where the author explains the power of words that we use. The words either give life or give death. Choose to give life. My heart felt heavy and I sat there for a while thinking all the horrible things I've said to my partner, the person that I love. After me blowing up, all he said was "You are a very mean person". For the past 2 years, he never, ever once said hurtful things to me. But I was still self-righteous after that comment and kept on defending myself, trying to blame him, trying to make him feel guilty. Because I am an arrogant human being full of pride. Then I prayed for couple days and today something happened while I was at work. It was a normal day at work, not very busy. Suddenly this thought came to my mind, out of nowhere. All that attention and the obsession that I have towards my partner, if I had given it to the Lord. Not even all of it, even just the half of it. Only if I gave it to Him. Then I suddenly remembered that He was a jealous God. I was too worried about my partner being distant from me, I wasn't even realizing that it was hindering my relationship with God, making me further away from God. The bible said it's okay to get angry but do not give place to the devil. And every time I end up losing the battle. Having worries about my partner cheating on me, having all this disbelief I have towards him, they are all coming from the bad guys right. One thing I know for sure is that they are not coming from God. So I quietly made a small promise to God today. I promised to Him that every time I feel like losing the battle and end up hurting his feelings, the person I love, I am going to pray. Doesn't matter where and when, I am going to quickly pray and desperately hold on to God. I am also going to pray that God will heal my partner's heart. He must be feeling terrible from all those hurtful things I said to him. I probably ripped his heart apart. Can you guys please pray for both of us? I really need your prayers to fight this emotional battle that goes on every day. Thank you so much guys. Have a wonderful night.

    Thank you for sharing this with us and I hope you are feeling alright. It is okay to make mistakes and its never too late for you to change. So my kind advice would be to stop regretting about the past and bring a change to yourself in your character which will make your relationship better. Ask for his forgiveness and I hope he will as he seems to be a nice person from what you have said about him. Good luck :)
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