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The Lord Has Already Given Three Opportunities

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    The Lord Has Already Given Three Opportunities

    A devout Christian met with a flood. He got onto his roof with great difficulty and prayed to the Lord for giving him an opportunity of survival. Not long after that, a lifeboat came and some people in it stretched out their hands to him, asking him to get into the boat. But the Christian waved to them and said, “I’m waiting for the Lord’s rescue.“ Then the lifeboat went away. After a little while, the flood water rose up to his feet. At this time, another wooden boat came. People in the wooden boat waved to him and asked him to get into it. He still remained unmoved and shook his head, saying, “I’m waiting for the Lord’s rescue.“ The second boat went away. The flood got more and more heavy and the water soon rose up to his neck. The third boat came. People in the boat reached their hands to him with difficulty, trying to draw him into the boat. The Christian once again waved his head and shouted, “I’m waiting for the Lord’s rescue.”
    Unable to do anything to help him, those on the boat went away. In the end, the Christian went up to the heaven and saw the Lord. He asked the Lord, “Why didn’t you save me, who was such a devout believer?” The Lord shook his head and looked at him with disappointed eyes, saying, “I gave you three opportunities!"
    Last edited by Jennifer; 05-07-2016, 04:59 AM.

    #2
    That's an old one and a good one. Although, I think it better if the last line reads "I sent people three times to rescue you."

    Just this month, I read that a Christian couple, Dale and Shannon Hickman, have both been sentenced to six years for manslaughter after their premy baby died. They didn't get medical help for an easily treatable infection, but instead tested God to save their child. Indeed, they rejected people God provided, and their baby died for it. (Ironically, if the same baby wasn't born early, and instead was deliberately killed in the womb at the same age, the woman would be a hero of feminists, and in no legal trouble). Their pastor probably needs to be slapped, hard, in the backside of the head, Saints in the Bible sought medical treatment and never declined it.
    Comment>

      #3
      The Hyper-Pentecostal version of parable of the Good Samaritan:

      Jesus said "Love your neighbor." An Evangelical asked "Who is my neighbor?" Jesus then told of a person who was traveling to Jericho when he or she was mugged and left by the road half dead. A Jewish priest saw the wounded man, but kept on walking. Then a Jewish Levite saw the wounded man and kept on walking. Then a Pentecostal saw the wounded man and had compassion. The Pentecostal, prayed, using unintelligible sounds, for the wounded man. And, showing his faith, the Pentecostal refused to medically treat the wounds with oil and wine, and he refused to take the wounded man someplace he could be cared for. The wounded man died.

      Jesus then asked, “Who is the wounded man’s neighbor?” The Evangelical replied “Everyone! Everyone is the man’s neighbor.” The Evangelical went on to say, “Jesus, you're an anti-Semite because you said the Jews, God's people, didn't stop to help. And, not that this has anything to do with what we're talking about, but I just have to add that I hate Samaritans because they’re Arabs [Semites]!”


      Comment>

        #4
        Originally posted by Cornelius View Post
        That's an old one and a good one. Although, I think it better if the last line reads "I sent people three times to rescue you."

        Just this month, I read that a Christian couple, Dale and Shannon Hickman, have both been sentenced to six years for manslaughter after their premy baby died. They didn't get medical help for an easily treatable infection, but instead tested God to save their child. Indeed, they rejected people God provided, and their baby died for it. (Ironically, if the same baby wasn't born early, and instead was deliberately killed in the womb at the same age, the woman would be a hero of feminists, and in no legal trouble). Their pastor probably needs to be slapped, hard, in the backside of the head, Saints in the Bible sought medical treatment and never declined it.

        Indeed, in fact Paul told Timothy to take some wine for his stomach ailment.
        Comment>

          #5
          Originally posted by Cornelius View Post
          The Hyper-Pentecostal version of parable of the Good Samaritan:

          Jesus said "Love your neighbor." An Evangelical asked "Who is my neighbor?" Jesus then told of a person who was traveling to Jericho when he or she was mugged and left by the road half dead. A Jewish priest saw the wounded man, but kept on walking. Then a Jewish Levite saw the wounded man and kept on walking. Then a Pentecostal saw the wounded man and had compassion. The Pentecostal, prayed, using unintelligible sounds, for the wounded man. And, showing his faith, the Pentecostal refused to medically treat the wounds with oil and wine, and he refused to take the wounded man someplace he could be cared for. The wounded man died.

          Jesus then asked, “Who is the wounded man’s neighbor?” The Evangelical replied “Everyone! Everyone is the man’s neighbor.” The Evangelical went on to say, “Jesus, you're an anti-Semite because you said the Jews, God's people, didn't stop to help. And, not that this has anything to do with what we're talking about, but I just have to add that I hate Samaritans because they’re Arabs [Semites]!”

          There is a certain group of people I run into who act, and say things, just like this. . . . sigh.
          Comment>
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