The Christian life is a personal intimate relationship between you and Christ. This life begins in faith (Ephesians 2:8-9) and can only be lived by faith.

When your walk is far from what it should be.

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  • When your walk is far from what it should be.

    I would just like to read what others say about this. As far as being a Christian goes, I'm terrible at it. I'm at a really bad time in life due to financial and health problems, and I get very angry a lot. I've never been a winner at life, but its really bad now, how I react to things. I often have spells where I just hate God and people, and I get into it bad with people online. Sometimes I get so bitter that I swear off Christianity, but I keep coming back. Not out of fear, but after a day or two of rage I find myself quietly asking God to forgive me. I really don't know what that says about me, if I am a phony in all this or hopefully God is really patient with me. Thoughts?

  • #2
    Originally posted by BubbaJack View Post
    I would just like to read what others say about this. As far as being a Christian goes, I'm terrible at it. I'm at a really bad time in life due to financial and health problems, and I get very angry a lot. I've never been a winner at life, but its really bad now, how I react to things. I often have spells where I just hate God and people, and I get into it bad with people online. Sometimes I get so bitter that I swear off Christianity, but I keep coming back. Not out of fear, but after a day or two of rage I find myself quietly asking God to forgive me. I really don't know what that says about me, if I am a phony in all this or hopefully God is really patient with me. Thoughts?
    G'evening BubbaJack,

    Personally, I'd have to go back a few years to relate. They say hindsight is 20/20. But I definitely do, as I was someone messed up in drugs, and I'm sure you can imagine the emotional instability of someone struggling with a major addiction and the resulting health issues. I remember at that time when being drawn to the Lord having a major beef with Christians, standing in front of the Tv screaming at the top of my lungs and arguing against the Prosperity preachers on TBN and CBN. If anything I still do this, but in a different more positive way - I convey my emotions and what I need to say - memes are wonderful :)

    If it is any encouragement, and I hope it is, I think you're aware of certain issues many people go throughout life not identifying. I used to be a hot head in temperament, but I soon realized there were triggers that resulted in such reactions. I literally disassembled myself for a year through introspection and meditation on the Word. I was led by God to cut out all those "things" and "people" that were negative triggers, that is, drug dealers, and the associated social circles, and yes, even the horrible doctrine from some-so-called professing Christians.

    I'd hate to be critical of you brother, because of your bitterness and swearing off of an umbrella term (Christianity). If it is further consolation to you, remember that the word Christian was a derogatory term first given to followers of Christ at Antioch ;)

    Sometimes what has really helped me is my online correspondence through this website. But I do limit myself and retract back into my recharge man cave as I am introvert that prefers limited contact with people. Actually social engagement goes against the grain of my personality type. Here on the board though, I just want you to know that from time to time agitators make their presence. Please be patient with our moderation team in doing their job, but if something is just over the top please feel free to contact one of us or report a post.

    Philippians 2:12

    God bless,
    William
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    • #3
      Thank you for that. I do have triggers....politics being one of them. I get seriously bent and have been banned repeatedly from a site that bears a name similar to this on. I admit that its fun, but its definitely unChristian to talk to people the way I do when I'm in a mood. Sometimes I consider doing a forum kamakaze dive, and getting myself banned, but I would have to engage in some serious nastiness to do that. A big problem is I have sleep trouble, and it makes me really despondent, almost to the point of being a Jekyll and Hyde thing. There's a reason I picked the avatar I did, the Pharisee and the publican. I am nothing more than the guy saying "God have mercy on me, a sinner." I cannot point to any virtues or fruit, I'm just a beggar.

      I am also an introvert as well, and I've always felt a bit of guilt over that, not being outgoing and friendly.
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      • #4
        Originally posted by BubbaJack View Post
        after a day or two of rage I find myself quietly asking God to forgive me. I really don't know what that says about me,
        To me it says you are really a Christian even if you don't act like one at times. There have been times when I have acted the same way you do. That doesn't happen as often now but if I'm not careful I can slip back into my old ways.
        Clyde Herrin's Blog
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        • #5
          Hi Bubbajack. First, I am sorry you have had a rough life. I've had more troubles than I care to remember, and my husband has been through much worse. One of the things that drove me crazy for years was the "prosperity gospel". Even though I knew and still know it's not true, it has this way of sounding true enough to really tear a person apart when it doesn't work that way. I think that deep down, you know there has to be something better, and there is.

          Before I say anything more, let me fill you in a bit. Between 2012 and now, I lost my house, suffered a lung infection that nearly killed me, had my thyroid go bad and put on a bunch of weight. I have a serious injury in my right hip that no one seems to want to take seriously, so I can't work and don't get out much. I feel buried alive. Meanwhile my husband has wonderful computer and art skills. He should be in Web Design, and we should be financially secure, except that the only people who seem to get hired in Tech are people from India with visas to work over here. Last year, we both had a major crisis of faith because of these things.

          There is a great depth of beauty and truth in Christianity. Living by the Bible teaches us to love ourselves first, and to love others. I have found that aside from financial strain, one of the major causes of depression and despair have to do with seeing ourselves as worthless and unlovable, and I have found through Bible study and prayer that there are many lies leveled against us throughout our lives that cause us to hate ourselves. The "peace that passes all understanding" has a lot to do with learning what is true about ourselves, in forgiveness and in love. When we are able to understand these things and learn to apply them, the truth in Christ heals. I tested this in my own life, then helped my husband see the same things, and I have seen the same process work in both of us, so I am pretty sure it works for others too. I hope you can somehow enter this peace, this rest spoken on in the Bible...
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          • #6
            Originally posted by Meg View Post
            Hi Bubbajack. First, I am sorry you have had a rough life. I've had more troubles than I care to remember, and my husband has been through much worse. One of the things that drove me crazy for years was the "prosperity gospel". Even though I knew and still know it's not true, it has this way of sounding true enough to really tear a person apart when it doesn't work that way. I think that deep down, you know there has to be something better, and there is.

            Before I say anything more, let me fill you in a bit. Between 2012 and now, I lost my house, suffered a lung infection that nearly killed me, had my thyroid go bad and put on a bunch of weight. I have a serious injury in my right hip that no one seems to want to take seriously, so I can't work and don't get out much. I feel buried alive. Meanwhile my husband has wonderful computer and art skills. He should be in Web Design, and we should be financially secure, except that the only people who seem to get hired in Tech are people from India with visas to work over here. Last year, we both had a major crisis of faith because of these things.

            There is a great depth of beauty and truth in Christianity. Living by the Bible teaches us to love ourselves first, and to love others. I have found that aside from financial strain, one of the major causes of depression and despair have to do with seeing ourselves as worthless and unlovable, and I have found through Bible study and prayer that there are many lies leveled against us throughout our lives that cause us to hate ourselves. The "peace that passes all understanding" has a lot to do with learning what is true about ourselves, in forgiveness and in love. When we are able to understand these things and learn to apply them, the truth in Christ heals. I tested this in my own life, then helped my husband see the same things, and I have seen the same process work in both of us, so I am pretty sure it works for others too. I hope you can somehow enter this peace, this rest spoken on in the Bible...
            Thank you for the kind words. All this gets harder when we get older. There were challenges in my younger years, but I still had that vast horizon (which really was an illusion) before me. I wish I could really have the kind of mind and heart that sees that God's forgiveness is the greatest thing in life, so much so that my other problems would be seen in the right proportion. But I've become really stout-hearted the last few years. Its a wonder that I still have any seeking towards God.
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            • #7
              I can see where it gets harder as we get older. People have also gotten a lot meaner. But it gets easier too, because we don't have the youthful restlessness... There is something in your heart that longs for the Lord. Let that grow. I would urge you to take up a Bible and read the NT, at least one Gospel, then read from Acts to Jude and see what speaks to you. I think you might find something there.
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              • #8
                I can relate to this. I try (try being the key word) to restrain myself better these days, but I used to (and I hate to admit this) go off on people in debates and stuff online. I used wit as a weapon and was always looking for the "gotcha!" I was angry, and I think I was just looking for someone to take it out on. I feel bad about that. People online aren't the cause of my troubles, and they don't deserve that.

                Anger, to me it seems, is just another form of fear. Fear can include a lot of things including insecurity. By being the "smart guy," or being right, I could make myself feel better for a minute. Then, I just ended up feeling worse afterward.

                I had to do some soul searching, work to drive out fear/anger. Of course, it's a work in progress. That just means I need to pray a lot. I'll pray for you too.
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                • #9
                  Originally posted by thisnthat View Post
                  I can relate to this. I try (try being the key word) to restrain myself better these days, but I used to (and I hate to admit this) go off on people in debates and stuff online. I used wit as a weapon and was always looking for the "gotcha!" I was angry, and I think I was just looking for someone to take it out on. I feel bad about that. People online aren't the cause of my troubles, and they don't deserve that.

                  Anger, to me it seems, is just another form of fear. Fear can include a lot of things including insecurity. By being the "smart guy," or being right, I could make myself feel better for a minute. Then, I just ended up feeling worse afterward.

                  I had to do some soul searching, work to drive out fear/anger. Of course, it's a work in progress. That just means I need to pray a lot. I'll pray for you too.

                  This is exactly what I am talking about. Looking for the gotchas; humiliating my "opponents."
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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by BubbaJack View Post


                    This is exactly what I am talking about. Looking for the gotchas; humiliating my "opponents."
                    Then, I think the first step is to stop thinking of others (especially random people) as "opponents." I'm saying this with concern, not judgment.

                    From my perspective, and going by my own past actions, there seems to be something missing or something wrong in your life. Getting to the root of that problem should help you feel less like attacking other people. There may be some bitterness or lack of forgiveness that is being harbored (fear, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, can all work together to create a bad situation). You may be angry at someone and not even realize it but be taking that anger out on other people. That's what was going on with me, anyway.

                    As long as you're looking for answers, I think you're moving in the right direction. You've identified a problem, now you just have to work on solutions.

                    Best wishes.
                    Last edited by thisnthat; 01-26-2017, 08:16 AM.
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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by BubbaJack View Post


                      This is exactly what I am talking about. Looking for the gotchas; humiliating my "opponents."
                      Praying for your opponent before engaging them helps, personally. And also repenting from that arrogant thought after making my case, like, "I really showed them". When we contend for the faith, we have clear objectives, and humiliation isn't one of them. Well lemme back track, in the OT 1 Kings 18:25-27 Elijah mocked the prophets of Baal, so I guess there is a time and place for this :)

                      God bless,
                      William
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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by thisnthat View Post

                        Then, I think the first step is to stop thinking of others (especially random people) as "opponents." I'm saying this with concern, not judgment.

                        From my perspective, and going by my own past actions, there seems to be something missing or something wrong in your life. Getting to the root of that problem should help you feel less like attacking other people. There may be some bitterness or lack of forgiveness that is being harbored (fear, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, can all work together to create a bad situation). You may be angry at someone and not even realize it but be taking that anger out on other people. That's what was going on with me, anyway.

                        As long as you're looking for answers, I think you're moving in the right direction. You've identified a problem, now you just have to work on solutions.

                        Best wishes.
                        I think a lot of it in my case is bitterness, and resentment. I've been this way since childhood. If there is an identifiable root here, it may be my feeling of alienation I've always carried. I think I want revenge on a world that doesn't accept me (in my mind).
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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by BubbaJack View Post

                          I think a lot of it in my case is bitterness, and resentment. I've been this way since childhood. If there is an identifiable root here, it may be my feeling of alienation I've always carried. I think I want revenge on a world that doesn't accept me (in my mind).
                          I'm sorry that you're suffering in this way. The good news is that God does accept you, just the way you are.

                          I recommend turning to Him. Ask him to help you. He will.

                          Try to rid yourself of the bitterness and resentment (this usually includes forgiving those who have hurt you or done you wrong). That doesn't mean you excuse their actions. What they did was still wrong. It just means trying to let go. We need to forgive others just like God forgives us. I'm saying this to you, but it's also a reminder for myself.

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                          • #14
                            I'm reading all the replies here, and they're all good advice. But due to my sleep apnea, I still wake up really tired. It's hard not to be bitter, even with God. When I think that I have to live the rest of my life wiped out, I am laid low. I find myself pining for death; living is so exhausting. I went to my doctor the other day and blew a wad for nothing. Just some garbage meds that made me feel worse. Of course with doctors there is no refund. A casino is a better place to spend your money than a doctor; even if you lose there is still the food court.
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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by BubbaJack View Post
                              But due to my sleep apnea, I still wake up really tired.
                              Here is an article of WebMD which discusses some treatments for sleep apnea:

                              Sleep Apnea Treatments
                              Clyde Herrin's Blog
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