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Virgin Shortage At Weddings (usually their own)

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  • Virgin Shortage At Weddings (usually their own)

    Reading Deuteronomy 22:13-21 and have wonder if people still hold it true? It states that a marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. While I don't know a lot of Christian men who are executing their wives, if God's word is law are we really supposed to act on them even though murder is illegal? In a world where people are expected to be moderately experienced to even get a partner, how are virgins expected to find spouses when most dates expect it on the third day? Do you expect your wife to be a virgin when she marries you? Or was this law for another time?

  • #2
    God's plan is for both men and women to remain virgin until they are married and remain faithful to their spouse after marriage. Of course many fail but their sins can be forgiven if they repent and put their faith in Christ. This command was one of the laws given specifically to Israel and shouldn't be followed literally today, but the principle it teaches, of abstaining from sexual activity until marriage, is still applicable today.
    Clyde Herrin's Blog
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    • #3
      GRACE.
      It is a powerful word, but it is more than a word ... it is a new reality. We are a new creation by God's Grace. Washed white as snow by His Grace. Made sons and daughters of the Living God, by His Grace.
      Grace is a powerful reality in the life of the Chosen, God's beloved children. One we have freely received and one we are called to freely give.

      This is a hard topic for me, because it is not one that is purely theoretical, but deeply personal. I do not need to 'imagine' it, because I have been there.


      First, let's talk about my wife. She wore white at our wedding. She was a virgin to me. One of the reasons that I was attracted to her and asked her to marry me was because she was one of the strongest and most godly women that I had ever met. I thought long and hard before deciding to date and seek a wife. I wanted, first and foremost someone that I could like and respect. Some worth laying down your life for if it came to that. That criteria quickly narrowed down the field. In other topics we talk about women who suffer rape and incest. She was one of those girls who suffered at the hands of a drunk father and stepfathers. It left scars, including a nearly successful suicide. As we like to say in the Pentecostal Church: "But God ..."

      But God had other plans. But God was not finished with her. But God was unwilling that any of His should perish. So she lay in the hospital bed, her kidneys shut down, in a coma, her family all said goodbye ... when a small group of Pentecostals gathered in an empty hospital room, around the bed of a dying twenty-something year old girl in a coma and prayed for hours and hours and hours. She woke up.

      Over the years, she learned to walk again. She attended church and grew in faith. She tried to find love, but had nothing but bad information to go by. She became a Foster Parent to help children and, being an RN, ended up with all of the infants that were so sick no one was sure they would live. She nursed them back to health so they could go to long term foster homes. She became a hospice nurse so she could talk with patients and families about death and dying. Telling people that their loved ones in a coma CAN hear them, and she knows because she was in a coma and she could hear the people telling her goodbye.

      Who is qualified to say that even though God has forgiven her and God has washed her and God has transformed her, that she has no business wearing white at her wedding because she is not a virgin?
      No one within my presence! (not if they value their safety)


      Now let's talk about me. I am much more comfortable talking about myself than someone else. [deep sigh]
      It is an irony and evidence of God's sense of humor that I, the groom, was actually a virgin on my wedding night. Virtually unheard of in this society, I know. However, make no mistake, it was through no merit of my own that I arrived at the wedding in that state. By the grace of God, fornication just happened to be one of the few sins I had not gotten around to (for a variety of reasons). I once took a hard look at the 10 commandments in light of the sermon on the mount, and was forced to conclude that I was guilty of violating all ten. Most were not just 'a little over the line' either. As an atheist, I was actively involved in violence and crime and arson and drug smuggling. Like I said, I just never got around to fornication.

      Who was I to stone anyone for anything?
      If God could not only forgive, but transform me, then how is anyone else any less a new creation?
      We were virgins to each other on our wedding night, because we had both been forgiven of our past and all things made new. As children of God, we chose to honor God by waiting (which was really really hard) until our wedding night.

      I was married at 40 and she was 36. It took God that long to fix both of us to make us suitable to be with another Christian. Now we have an 11 year old daughter and, though life is still a struggle from time to time, our marriage isn't something we regret at all.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by LeapOfFaith89 View Post
        In a world where people are expected to be moderately experienced to even get a partner, how are virgins expected to find spouses when most dates expect it on the third day?
        "Husbands, love you wives as Christ loved the Church."
        ... If your date expects "it" at any point before marriage, it is a sign that that is the wrong one.

        (Just as an aside, on our third date I knew that she was the one. I even told her at the end of the third date that we would date for about 6 months, then get engaged, then get married about 6 months after that. She said 'she wasn't sure about that' and I told her, that was fine. She had six months to think about it and let the idea grow on her. I didn't mention it again until I proposed.)

        Dating is about hanging out with a friend to get to know them well enough to know that they are someone you actually like and respect ... even without "it".
        The husband has to be willing to do everything for his wife ... not in obedience to her, but to do what is in HER best interest even if it means he takes a hit.
        The wife has to respect her husband and trust him enough to let him be in charge.

        That is the decision the two of you are trying to make, not are you both good in bed.
        The stakes are so high, that's why you need to keep the hormones out of it early on.
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        • #5
          Originally posted by atpollard View Post

          "Husbands, love you wives as Christ loved the Church."
          ... If your date expects "it" at any point before marriage, it is a sign that that is the wrong one.

          (Just as an aside, on our third date I knew that she was the one. I even told her at the end of the third date that we would date for about 6 months, then get engaged, then get married about 6 months after that. She said 'she wasn't sure about that' and I told her, that was fine. She had six months to think about it and let the idea grow on her. I didn't mention it again until I proposed.)

          Dating is about hanging out with a friend to get to know them well enough to know that they are someone you actually like and respect ... even without "it".
          The husband has to be willing to do everything for his wife ... not in obedience to her, but to do what is in HER best interest even if it means he takes a hit.
          The wife has to respect her husband and trust him enough to let him be in charge.

          That is the decision the two of you are trying to make, not are you both good in bed.
          The stakes are so high, that's why you need to keep the hormones out of it early on.
          This was well written in a way that I hadn't thought before, thank you. I really think it's sweet you, kind of intense though, that you knew by the third date. I really like how you wrote bout how dating is about getting to know each other with respect. I find that even if I'm dating a guy who calls himself a 'Christian', he still expects 'it' eventually. Dating becomes more like war as I have to fend of lusty males who may or may not really like me. In just the last few years, it seems guys are wanting it sooner and sooner. It makes finding a good man a bit problematic when dating. Though I imagine the same is true with women too.
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          • #6
            Man, this is something I struggle with and I will be open about saying that. I wish I had stuck to my resolution to be steadfast about this, but I didn't wait. Once you have crossed that line it becomes infinitely me ore difficult to not fall back in to it. It's something I pray about a lot. I am not promiscuous by any means, but it does become difficult to not cross that line. I do know about quite a bit of what Paul says about sexuoal immorality and am working on both forgiving myself. Aside from the physical nature of it, sharing your body with another human like that can and does create emotional scars when it is something that isn't between just two people, for their lifetime.

            I hope no one judges me for that...I am hoping in sharing maybe someone struggling to avoid the same thing will find some motivation from it. I figure if we are going to make mistakes that the silver lining is we can help others avoid the same.

            I do cling to the New Testament story about the adulteress and Jesus instructing people who have not sinned to cast the first stone. And to elaborate, I hear a lot of mixed information about what is relevant to today from the OT based off of the "updates", if you will, from the New Testament
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