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Marriage question for a young couple... Need advice...

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  • Marriage question for a young couple... Need advice...

    I'll start by saying I'm a 29 years old Christian male and been in the gospel for three years. But I must be honest I've stumbled in my faith for a whole year and havent gone to church or prayed due to personal life reasons. I recently rededicated my life to Christ again but I know He never left me to begin with; but let me get to my point and question. I've met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with and she is 24 years old. I've asked her hand in marriage and so therefore we just got engaged. I must admit before we got engaged as we were dating we did have alot of sex outside of marriage. And now that I rededicated my life to Christ I want to live in obedience for Him. And this leads to my issue and question. I told her I don't want to have sex and live in sin until we are married. Its been weeks since then and the temptations are increasing between us. I understand the apostal Paul writes "Its better to marry than to burn with passion" for the sake of temptation. My question is would it be wrong of me to simply elope at the local courthouse and get married months before we move in together? I dont want to continue in this sin but I'm afraid the temptation with eventually get the best of me. I know it may sound like I want to marry just for sex but thats not the case. I truly love her and I want only her for now and forever. Just wanted to see what other christian brothers and or sisters think about this.

    Thank you and God Bless!

  • #2
    Your initial comment inferred that she has not yet moved in with you yet, so keeping separate households should reduce temptation somewhat. If financial or other entanglements make the situation of living apart untenable, then elopement might be the least BAD situation. However, if she respects your faith in Christ and your desire to live chastely until you are married, then she should accept your decision, however grudgingly and not pressure you.
    One last point, sex is one of the great benefits of marriage and fulfills the command to "be fertile and multiply".
    Comment>

    • #3
      Originally posted by My3Sons_NJ View Post
      ..."be fertile and multiply".
      Hi My3Sons, if you don't mind me asking, which Bible translates Genesis 1:28 like that??

      Thanks!

      --David
      Simul Justus et Peccator ~Martin Luther

      "We are justified by faith alone, but the faith that justifies is never alone" ~John Calvin

      "The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us." ~C. S. Lewis

      "The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances" ~Elisabeth Elliot

      "The law is for the self-righteous to humble their pride; the Gospel is for the lost to remove their despair. ~C. H. Spurgeon
      Comment>

      • #4
        Hi Luisc30, I see that you're brand new here, so WELCOME TO CF :)

        Yours and His,
        David
        Simul Justus et Peccator ~Martin Luther

        "We are justified by faith alone, but the faith that justifies is never alone" ~John Calvin

        "The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us." ~C. S. Lewis

        "The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances" ~Elisabeth Elliot

        "The law is for the self-righteous to humble their pride; the Gospel is for the lost to remove their despair. ~C. H. Spurgeon
        Comment>

        • #5
          Originally posted by luisc30 View Post
          I'll start by saying I'm a 29 years old Christian male and been in the gospel for three years. But I must be honest I've stumbled in my faith for a whole year and havent gone to church or prayed due to personal life reasons. I recently rededicated my life to Christ again but I know He never left me to begin with; but let me get to my point and question. I've met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with and she is 24 years old. I've asked her hand in marriage and so therefore we just got engaged. I must admit before we got engaged as we were dating we did have alot of sex outside of marriage. And now that I rededicated my life to Christ I want to live in obedience for Him. And this leads to my issue and question. I told her I don't want to have sex and live in sin until we are married. Its been weeks since then and the temptations are increasing between us. I understand the apostal Paul writes "Its better to marry than to burn with passion" for the sake of temptation. My question is would it be wrong of me to simply elope at the local courthouse and get married months before we move in together? I dont want to continue in this sin but I'm afraid the temptation with eventually get the best of me. I know it may sound like I want to marry just for sex but thats not the case. I truly love her and I want only her for now and forever. Just wanted to see what other christian brothers and or sisters think about this.

          Thank you and God Bless!
          Hi again Brother, there's nothing wrong with choosing to elope Biblically speaking (that I can think of anyway), but what would your family and your fiance's family think about you two doing that? Has the planning of your wedding day already been set in motion by your fiance and her mom? If not, and if you don't think there will be a problem with it otherwise (or you two don't mind if there is .. it's your marriage, after all), then why not elope?

          I would definitely say, one way of the other however, that getting married, even via elopement, is something you two should do before you, "move in together" ;)

          You also said,"I told her I don't want to have sex and live in sin until we are married". I've got some bad news for you, if you want to wait to have sex and live in sin until AFTER you're married, you'll have to come up with another way to sin, because once you're married, having sex with your wife isn't sinful, in fact, I think it's recommended. No, wait, it's commanded, isn't it :) .. Genesis 1:28.

          Yours and His,
          David
          Simul Justus et Peccator ~Martin Luther

          "We are justified by faith alone, but the faith that justifies is never alone" ~John Calvin

          "The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us." ~C. S. Lewis

          "The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances" ~Elisabeth Elliot

          "The law is for the self-righteous to humble their pride; the Gospel is for the lost to remove their despair. ~C. H. Spurgeon
          Comment>

          • #6
            If you have had sex with this woman you are already married to her in the eyes of God. You are two that have become one during the sex act, so I would suggest that this is the main reason why you are finding it so difficult to remain chaste in each other's presence. This is one good reason for a man and woman to remain physically pure until they are actually married, to avoid the pitfalls of lusting after each other constantly. The only thing that still needs to happen is that ceremony and the signing of the license. Did you know that you can technically get married without the ceremony? All you have to do is sign the marriage license and have the person performing the ceremony sign it and poof, you're married. That was something interesting that my pastor told me on my wedding day five years ago. He said, "did you know you were already married an hour ago?" We had just finished the actual ceremony when he asked me that. I think that you are going to have to pray about this. Pray with your future spouse and also discuss it with her, so the two of you can work out the situation together. Elopement or moving up the date might be the answer for you, preferably if invitations haven't already been sent out. Prayer is DEFINITELY a good place to begin.
            Comment>

            • #7
              Originally posted by Novelangel View Post
              If you have had sex with this woman you are already married to her in the eyes of God.
              Where have you drawn to that conclusion from Scripture? If he is having sex with a woman before marriage, in God's eyes, they are fornicators. The only thing they can do is to repent from unlawful sex. And that may not include getting married, but breaking away from any future unlawful sexual engagement whatsoever.

              God bless,
              William
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